i don't know when i got to the age when very little surprises me, particularly about people and relationships. and i don't know when my marriage became something a little less astonishing than what it once was, and a lot more expected than i ever imagined. that's not to say it's taken for granted, it's just not often thought about. routines have been made and set in place, his presence is a part of my day. and very little surprises me in our interactions.

which sounds awful, but is quite incredible, actually.

i cannot explain the relationship between saxy and i. there's a deeper connection than i've ever experienced with anyone, a connection that goes beyond emotional. if there is such a thing as a lifemate, he's it. living without him is hell, even when living with him isn't so great sometimes. i accept that as a part of marriage. you have to love and accept whole heartedly. you have to expect the downs, the fights, the difficulties adjusting. marriage is more than a wedding ceremony. but a connection that's almost physical (and i don't mean sex) is something i gather few people experience.

and i've become used to this, come to expect it, and miss it when he's not home. but i am rarely ever surprised by it.

until last night.

this connection has always touched everything between us, including sex. my time with him has been one of firsts. never had anyone felt so made for me. never had i been so emotionally in tune with someone that i felt his orgasm like an echo within my own body. our connection has always been more than sex, but it has also affected sex. but it's also been 5 years and anyone who has been married that long will tell you that relationships, even in bed, become predictable somewhere around there, if not earlier. so, by now, i figured there wasn't a whole lot new for me to experience.

i was wrong.

perhaps our connection went into overdrive last night. perhaps something else was different, something neither of us can figure out at the moment. whatever it was, it made last night between us the most incredible moments i've ever known.

and baby, i'm glad it was you, my saxy love.