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just need to stop
monday, november 25, 2002

just slap me and get it over with.

i need to stop going to the journal of my "friend" (whose name i never use) i mentioned yesterday. i mean i really, really do need to quit. every time i go i get pissed off. this time she's misrepresenting the whole bases of our major disagreement to people (and mentioning my name in the process, which i find impolite) - it had nothing to do with her site. it's her site, she can do whatever she wants with it. our disagreement had to do with her leaning on someone for all her writing, like she couldn't listen to anyone else or wasn't good enough on her own. that's how it appeared.

as for her site, well, i've tried to teach her dreamweaver and ftp. she gets frustrated quickly, and once she's frustrated, she shuts down and it's pointless to even try. she gives up. so i work on her site for her. i've told her it's her site. i may question what she wants to do, and it is usually a question, but i have never ripped her a new one for anything she's wanted to do to it. it's hers. i suppose the problem is that while i gave it to her as a present, it is a tie between us, one that makes her uncomfortable or feel like she owes me, which she does not.

that does not excuse making up bs stories about it though.

at any rate, see what i mean? i need to stop reading her journals. i'd back off completely, disappear for awhile, but she always asks about me when i've been invisible a few days. so there's something still there, i'm just not sure completely what.

which brings me to another thing i need to just stop: i need to stop dwelling on this whole mess. it is what it is. our friendship, at this point in time, is superficial. that's just the way it is, for now. it may improve in the future, it may disintegrate altogether. but for now, i just need to accept the way things are. let us both have our space.

i've never perfected the art of just stopping.

site of the moment:
ring of the moment:
word of the moment: alter

to make different without changing into something else; castrate, spay; to become different