delayed
thursday, september 26, 2002


so, the move is delayed - indefinitely. the bus faire isn't a problem. it's paying for a place for him to stay while he's looking for a job and waiting for the first check. i'm still waiting for the professor to let me know he even got my papers (forget telling me what the grades were, i just want to know if he received them - and he questions my anger with him when he's doing me such a favor and he can't even answer a simple question in not just one but two emails; long story, we won't go there tonight) so still can't do anything with my degree. and all that keeps us in limbo.

limbo is getting to be a very hard place to be. yesterday i had 2 near nervous breakdowns just trying to save both the phone and the electricity. i did manage it, but it took some finagling and some delaying of the inevitable and some more reduction in what i've been paying in a few places. i don't feel good about all of it, but at least we have a phone (necessary when job hunting) and electricity for a bit longer).

i did learn that my emotions get the most extreme when i feel trapped. i'm highly claustrophobic and apparently that claustrophobia isn't just limited to being in a physically small space in which i am or feel trapped. and apparently it's even more of an extreme reaction when the trapped feeling isn't physical. not good at all since things are unlikely to improve much any time soon.

anyway, i also did a search, found our local paper, and started looking in the employment classifieds. i found a few teaching jobs - all needing the certification process over and done with, and a number of driving and other jobs for the hubby. the big issue for any or all of these jobs is going to be the transportation thing. we don't have a car and couldn't afford to keep it even if we did. tomorrow i'm going to apply for a tutoring job, but i have a feeling it's like a temp agency thing. the girl on the phone didn't seem to know much.

we've agreed we still want to eventually move out of california. we just have to wait until we can finance it better. delayed. trapped. all the same to me at the moment.