resolutions
friday, september 13, 2002


we're moving. it's pretty much final. and we're starting the process now rather than waiting till spring. we were going to let saxy finish off his semester, but after the bs with the lawyer yesterday he decided it would be best to just get us out of california and try to get us back on our feet now. on the one hand i'm relieved that we're moving forward, on the other i'm very sad that saxy has to delay his education yet again. but both of us are fairly certain things will be better when we move.

we've chosen the city of waukesha, wisconsin as our new home. our job search netted us a dozen possibilities just for the one city and there are half a dozen others that are local enough for us to look in as well. in our current location we're lucky to find even 3 or 4 job possibilities in our city and surrounding communities - none of which pay well. most of the jobs we found pay a minimum of $8/hour, with a whole bunch paying a minimum of $10/hour for no experience or degree - a level of pay we would never see where we live now (and if we did, there would be 300 applications for it!). better yet, rents look to be about $200 less than what we could find without hud in cali, and food is definitely a lower cost, as are utilities. we'll be paying more in rent, we already know that, but we'll have a job bringing in income and lower costs elsewhere.

a friend who has lived in the area has told us there has been a worker shortage there for years and has helped us with some of the preliminary things we're going to need to do and look at for the move. she's even offered to be a phone contact for saxy and help him figure out what he's doing once he gets there.

this is a very scary step for us. i'm almost terrified that we're going to end up in the same boat we are now: unable to find work without having to pay into getting the job, one step above the street because our incomes and expenses are too close for comfort. i keep telling myself it will get better, we're trying to make it better, but it is still a very scary step. still, the cost of living out here is just insane. all we can do right now is take the risk and hope it works out. that's all anyone can do, especially when the alternative is to stay in an obviously impossible and stagnate situation.

i've been working on my paper to clear that class. i have lots of resources, although more than a few wouldn't exactly be called peer reviewed. i have checked up on the authors to make sure they are at least versed in the area of literature. i'm to the point where i just want this done and over with. the prof hasn't gotten back to me on my grade on the paper i already sent and i get the feeling he won't. my concerns about how he's handling this and the grades are apparently unimportant. so i'm just resolved to get this damn thing written and the whole mess over with as quickly as possible. the good news is that, according to my counselor, getting a "c" will not kill my honors gpa. thank god. i worked hard for that sucker, i don't want to lose it because one prof is being a jerk. (ok, so he was nice enough to give me the incomplete; but i am well aware that he will grade my papers even harder than he did in class, and he graded pretty damn hard in class.)

we also have some issues to deal with for my son. he's acting out at school (and only at school, we've checked around with the various other environments he's in) and they want a change in medication. since they are the only ones having trouble, my current feeling is there is something up at the school - the teacher isn't handling his outburst correctly and so taz is having more of them, his dad thinks there's a conflict with one of the aides, they may not be doing the brushing for his sensory integration issues. something isn't working and their solution is a new medication. well, that isn't happening. most everyone else who is working with him is noticing he's easier to involve, he's more alert and aware, less medicated (although, admittedly, this also means more energetic), and, best of all, the kid is eating and gaining some much needed weight. this boy could have fit 5's or 6's (he's 10 years old, mind you) before we switched meds. we now have to buy him 7's. i am so pleased to see this - his ribs aren't sticking out anymore! anyway, we are scheduling an i.e.p. to try to get this resolved. one thing for sure, at this point the medication is working and i won't switch it on their say so.

so, things are looking up. i'm crying less, so that's a good sign. there's a lot to think about with this move (anyone got any suggestions on how to tell a paranoid-schizophrenic that her daughter is moving?) and a lot of things to get resolved before we make the final steps. fortunately that's going to be awhile. saxy's going first and has to get things settled enough to bring the rest of us out. but at least we're trying to move forward.