just stuffs
friday, may 17, 2002


stuffs 1:
poetry class can be so . . . pointless. i feel bad saying that since we're workshopping student poems, but the prof really doesn't teach us much of anything. we bought 3 books and have only read a couple of poems out of each. one of the books is actually a "how to write poetry" book and we haven't even read one chapter. once when i came in late another student and i shuffled seats so i could be near the outlet for my laptop. the prof's comment was something to the order of that i wouldn't need to the laptop. my thought was, "what, you're not going to teach?" the answer has come back loud and clear: no, she's not.

stuffs 2:
the last week or two it seems that every now and then, just when i need it, i get a little push, a little bit of encouragement. my first shot in the arm was encouragement from my shakespeare prof and a bit of help on how to read the plays. (yes, there is a way to read the plays, especially if, like me, shakespeare is a foreign language.) i needed that help. i was a play behind and it was taking me ages just to get through one act. then there was the grades from midterms. despite the struggle, despite how much harder this quarter has been than i expected, it looks like i will manage a reasonably successful quarter. i still have the 2 papers i need to write to clear an incomplete from last quarter, but i'll do that once this quarter is over - they'll be my sole focus and relatively easy to complete as a result. today i picked up my tassel. simple, black, with a gold 2002 on it, it reminds me to keep going. i'll hang it near my desk where i can see it everyday. they didn't have the honor cords in, but i'll be watching so i can pick one up. and i'm still waiting for my ring. i REALLY want that. i want to wear and have it where i can look at it everyday for that bit of encouragement i need to get through.

stuffs 3:
i've been shifting gears and considering the whole teaching thing. obviously with school still practically my entire life, i can't do too much, but i am thinking about stories i want to use in class, how i want to teach and so on. if i don't make it into the mfa program, i'm going to have to start putting together my teaching notebooks with assignments and readings that i can use. we had to create 5 writing assignments in my grad class last quarter and my success with those has made me more comfortable with the idea of creating lessons. my only concern now (beyond getting a job and getting to the job) is how to manage the classroom itself. unfortunately, i don't think there's much i can do to prepare for that. if my "teaching secondary english" class was any indication, no matter how prepared i get myself, i'll still be in for some culture shock.

so, things seem to be moving right along for me. i'm less focused on the "bad" things right now, which is good. i really think that being so . . . negative (depressed?) is very tied into my cycle. i get really tired about that time of the month since, being anemic, i'm not only losing blood but losing precious iron that my body desperately needs. that's not to say those difficulties don't weigh on me, they're always in the back of my mind, they're just not as bad as they seem when i get into that mood.

3 weeks left, plus finals. well, final. only one actual final this quarter. what a nice way to end my last quarter here. :)