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sunday, october 28, 2001
mid-quarter notes

so, weeks later i am finally getting a new whysper up. it's not that i didn't want to write before now, it's that i have had no time. i really don't have time now, but i just needed to write. whysper has always been my place to unload, to think, to work things out, to share. i can eel the lack of it, but i just can't find the time to keep this one balancing thing in my life.

i am alive folks, really i am, sometimes just barely, but i am here. for the last few weeks i have i kept little notes on what i wanted to write here (and maybe i can use some of the ideas in later whyspers), but i just can't seem to get the time to write. all my personal writing is out the window except for brief blurbs in m@m as i work through the piles upon piles of homework i have accumulated this quarter. we've hit the hump now, 5 weeks gone and 5 weeks to go, but i don't expect things to get any easier at this point. in fact, it's almost guaranteed to get worse from this point on out. end of the quarter is almost always a nightmare of paperwork, reading and rushing to keep up.

obviously i have been on an unannounced (unexpected and unwelcome) hiatus. as of today it becomes announced. i don't have any choice. 5 classes, 4 of which are english, have taken over my life. thank god this is my last year. well, at least at this school and at this level. i will be back. i love my site too much not to be.

really, it didn't start off this bad. i was a bit off because my textbooks were a bit late in getting to me, but i got caught up and was managing to maintain and keep up. i was pretty proud of myself actually, which just may have been my warning sign. pride is almost always a downfall somewhere along the way. at any rate, things were going well.

then i got sick. and i stayed sick. for about 3 weeks. i still have some vestiges of the sucker: a nasty cough that just won't quit. i missed a few days. then refused to give in to it and started going to classes anyway (102 degree fever and all). this, of course, added to the stress i was already under. when the straw that broke the camel's back came about, my body reacted in a totally unforeseen way: hives. huge red, itchy welts all over my body. the upside? they were sporadic, not always present. the downside? they always showed up when i was at my computer. i couldn't write a single paper all weekend. worse yet, when i went to lay down, i slept. ok, so i obviously needed it. but i got nothing done last weekend and have been trying to catch up ever since.

worse, i am finding it hard to get my momentum back up again. i can't concentrate, i can't think. i am struggling and it's only first quarter. this does not bode well for the next 2 quarters, not well at all.

but, there is good news in all this:

my grades have yet to suffer. most my teachers know i have been ill and have cut me some slack on assignments, and somehow i have managed to get a's on my exams despite fevers and lack of sleep.

my writing teacher actually found the concept of my story interesting. this is very good since his class is part of the reason i stressed out so badly that i got hives.

i will be able to take the grad level class i want for next quarter! woooooo! i have been wanting this class since the day i stepped on campus (it's "approaches to imaginative writing") and am looking forward to it.

but the best news is at least i am getting this over with. i never have to take 20 units again. and that is probably the best news of all.

so, i'll be back in 5 weeks (unless i manage to sneak one in here, so you may want to sign up for the notify list), or sometime there abouts. last day of finals for me is the 6th, but you may want to give me a week to sleep things off.

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