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sunday, january 7, 2001
fugue: begin . . . again

Freewrite (choose one or more of the following words and go with it): one, new, begin.

we begin again. a marriage once thought broken beyond repair. a relationship once so full of pain, being together hurt, being apart hurt more. choices made to protect the ones i love, am responsible for. a time together once thought over. and yet there was . . . something. perhaps you finally convinced me that you understood. that things would indeed be different. perhaps i just didn't want it to go with so much pain. so much loss. and so, we begin . . . again.

i begin again. i left because of illness. too tired, too burned out. who could have imagined that iron means so much to a body that losing it could wreck such havoc. tired. can't concentrate. illness that takes forever to go away. and a management system i didn't even know i had suddenly destroyed beyond recovery to reveal a problem i never knew i had. adhd. school became impossible. on loa, but never thinking i would return. yet, tomorrow, i begin again.

soon to begin again. injured. released by a doctor too soon. now surgery again. everything else is on hold until it is done. and physical therapy. then again you can look for a new job. i feel for you, beginning again. when so many are losing jobs. places closing. hiring freezes. not enough education. but i hold out hope for you. persistent. determined. willing to learn. you will begin again.

begin again. a time to learn. a time to grow. we become stronger every day. you wait impatiently. i worry i can't do well any more. but we begin again. we work together to become better individuals and a stronger couple. it's hard to begin again. but at least we are beginning together. Welcome home, saxy. Thank you for beginning again with me.

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Since July 9, 2000

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