i am just so out of it today. i am sure a lot has to do with all that woman stuff: i am sorer than usual and kinda sick to my stomach this time around. hopefully it is almost over. i can't say for sure because my cycles have been doing minor adjusting of late. not like i could ever predict much about them anyway, but of recent they have gotten odder than usual. my sides and back have been hurting since yesterday. i usually get some form of cramps, but not like this.

then today is one of those grey, no sun but no rain kind of days. i hate grey days. mind you, i hate it being too hot too, but i will take warm and sunny over this "can't make up my mind" kind of weather any day.

all i really want to do is go back to bed and curl up in my honey's arms, and shut out the world. not really an option right now, i know, but that's what i want to do. my oldest can make dinner, the company can go elsewhere. i'm really tired and feeling clingy right now. totally childish, but thankfully i am not like this often. it's usually not an option for me to be like this, so i ignore it. i just don't feel like ignoring it today. i may not have the option of doing it, but i don't feel like ignoring it.

i think part of this has to do with yesterday too. for once i REALLY questioned my ability to remain friends with saxy. he was hurting and grieving and in need of the only friend he really has. but it had to be the most draining, painful experience i have had with him to date. he just wiped me out and i finally put him on my call block after the 6th or 7th phone all. he was just too needy for me to deal with. and i was pmsing and dealing with difficult children and it all was just too much. i think i am still feeling some of the effects from that. i feel drained still.

this is one of those time that i wish mike was a little more affectionate in front of others.

but, at the same time, i need space. i need down time. i feel just so worn right now. hopefully when the hormone soup passes i will be back to my sunny ole me.

tomorrow i get to find out the results of my adhd tests. for all of you who KNOW i am adhd, the "final" answer comes tomorrow. if i'm not, then i guess i just plain got stupid when my iron deficiency hit. brain cells just leaked out my ears or something.

and it is in this mood i work on visions.