i am just so out of it today. i am sure a lot has to do with all that woman stuff:
i am sorer than usual and kinda sick to my stomach this time around. hopefully
it is almost over. i can't say for sure because my cycles have been doing minor
adjusting of late. not like i could ever predict much about them anyway, but of
recent they have gotten odder than usual. my sides and back have been hurting
since yesterday. i usually get some form of cramps, but not like this.
then today is one of those gray, no sun but no rain kind of days. i hate gray
days. mind you, i hate it being too hot too, but i will take warm and sunny over
this "can't make up my mind" kind of weather any day.
all i really want to do is go back to bed and curl up in my honey's arms, and
shut out the world. not really an option right now, i know, but that's what i
want to do. my oldest can make dinner, the company can go elsewhere. i'm really
tired and feeling clingy right now. totally childish, but thankfully i am not
like this often. it's usually not an option for me to be like this, so i ignore
it. i just don't feel like ignoring it today. i may not have the option of doing
it, but i don't feel like ignoring it.
i think part of this has to do with yesterday too. for once i REALLY questioned
my ability to remain friends with saxy. he was hurting and grieving and in need
of the only friend he really has. but it had to be the most draining, painful
experience i have had with him to date. he just wiped me out and i finally put
him on my call block after the 6th or 7th phone all. he was just too needy for
me to deal with. and i was pmsing and dealing with difficult children and it all
was just too much. i think i am still feeling some of the effects from that. i
feel drained still.
this is one of those time that i wish emce was a little more affectionate in front
but, at the same time, i need space. i need down time. i feel just so worn right
now. hopefully when the hormone soup passes i will be back to my sunny ol' me.
tomorrow i get to find out the results of my adhd tests. for all of you who KNOW
i am adhd, the "final" answer comes tomorrow. if i'm not, then i guess
i just plain got stupid when my iron deficiency hit. brain cells just leaked out
my ears or something.