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wednesday 08.23.2000
dreams touching reality

yes, yes it is after 2 a.m. and i am supposed to be turning into a pumpkin already, but as i lay in bed tonight, something hit me. last night i had a dream that old enemies of my sweeetheart were making trouble for him so he had to leave for awhile. in the dream it was QUITE awhile. but i was patient and waited it out, and eventually he did return. now normally i would shake something like this off as just an odd expression of my fears and desires being played out in dreamland. it wouldn't be the first time such a thing has happened. but tonight it struck me: last night i had this dream and today he has indeed backed off a bit because of circumstances that are making it difficult to feel he can be with someone in a serious commitment. he wouldn't even consider it backing off, just putting any furtherance of our relationship on hold until he can get things in his life a bit more settled. but i find the, dare i say coincidence?, a bit startling.

perhaps dreams do touch reality, and warn us of things yet to come. i know i often find answers in dreams. and no, it's not just that i have slept and awakened with a refreshed mind. i have literally dreamt my way through problems until i find solutions. i have had incredible dreams with what i know to have the deepest of meanings and which have made impacts upon my life beyond a night's sleep.

when i was an early teen i had such a dream. i remember it very vividly. and while it may seem silly in its themes and expressions, i feel that in a way this dream foretold a particular time in my life. some friends and i were walking along a dirt path. there was a hill to one side of us and on the other side a dead forest of silver trees that were widely spaced. while we walked a black carriage came up, driven by black horses, but no driver in the seat. it stopped and the door opened and we all got in the carriage. the carriage took us to a huge old house. i remember walking up the steps in the dark of night and standing before doors that towered over us, but i do not remember ever seeing the house itself very clearly. the doors opened and we went in and an old man showed us to rooms. i had my own, with a huge 4-poster bed and an old dresser with a mirror. on the bed was a beautiful old fashioned dress. i can still see in my mind's eye the exact shade of lavender of the gown. i put it on and went down to eat with my friends, who all were also dressed up. none of us seemed to find this at all odd. after dinner we all went up to our rooms. i changed into a white nightgown and was brushing my hair when the door to my room opened, but i could see no one in the mirror. when i turned, the door was shut. so i went to bed, and fell asleep, only to be awakened by a noise. there was a man in my room, a man who gave the sense of danger even though he smiled as he approached me. i fled. i do not remember where i went when i fled until i was deep below the main part of the house. there i found an underground river, and a small craft with a small person completely covered in black manning it. i climbed in and it (i never saw its face, or anything other than its hands, although i am tempted to call it "he" i could not say for sure what gender it was) poled us down river until we came out near a beach. i left the boat and ran down the beach to a light house. and standing on the rocks leading to the light house, i looked up into a stormy sky to see a huge absolutely brilliant cross descend from the clouds. the storm stilled...and i woke up.

years later several friends and i together began messing with some very occultic things. things that made my life a chaos and fearful. but then i accepted christ and the storms that raged were quieted. i cannot say all my friends of the time made it out of that mess nearly so well as i did. up until today i have never shared that dream, or the whole of it, with anyone. i rarely even talk about the times i was so foolish as to dance with the devil, for though i have survived them i still bear faint scares. but to this day i see the images in that dream very clearly: the path, the silver trees, the doors, the lavender of the dress, and the cross that descends from the sky. for me they are very powerful, and very personal.

which brings me to the dream of last night, in a round about way. was this too a reflection of something to come between emce and i? and was the way it portrayed me handling the situation an answer to the one that i find us in now? i honestly don't know. but i don't think it is mere coincidence either. i think there is a message there. i just have to decide to listen to it.

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