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tuesday 08.22.2000
adjustment, pipe dreams

men are too damn weird. women get stressed and they go for support. bad things happen, they want support. they have a problem, they want to talk about it, although not necessarily be offered solutions. they just need to vent. MEN on the other hand withdraw from support and MUST offer solutions whenever a problem is shared. most men anyway.

as you may have guessed, my new sweetie is going through a rough patch. and this rough patch may just put a cramp on our relationship. not because we don't care for each other, but because he doesn't feel he can continue with certain plans until that patch is taken care of and he's more settled. not sure i mentioned this, but he and i have already shared those precious three little words.."I love you". and his feelings aren't changed, but he'd rather be more secure before we advance our relationship any further. there is some wisdom in this...i still have to file the divorce papers (need the money to do so). but i don't understand it either. people who care for each other support each other and stand by their loved one's side even when things are rough.

this tendency to withdraw is just one of the little things i am trying to adjust to in this new relationship. my sweetie also tends to be very reserved and private. so when we are with friends, he is not overly demonstrative. can get used to this, especially since in private he is very affectionate. we have discussed his reasons for being so, and my concerns were settled on that score, thank goodness. but i have to learn to back off a bit and give him space at times like these. it's very hard for me. and i suppose i am just a tad anxious with this relationship. i need to relax. not so easy for this gal...but i am trying!

pipe dreams

every so often i think about winning the lottery. this is REALLY a pipe dream as i don't play, been more than tempted of late but i need every dollar. maybe if the schools got more than 30 cents out of the deal i might. but in my current circumstances it is probably no surprise i THINK about it. what would i do with the money? probably would surprise you, especially since i know most people can get so frivolous with money.

set up an interest earning account that would give me enough interest each month to live off. that way i can be home for my son, take care of my family's needs and not be stressed about dominodesigns. and if california ever declares bankruptcy i still have SOMETHING.

buy a home and a car . ok so that was obvious.

NOW pay off my debts. maybe i should pay them off before anything else, but if anything happens, with the interest i'd be getting each month i would get to them eventually anyway.

finally, the important stuff: furniture, clothes and toys for the kids.

so its all a pipe dream. but its nice to dream.

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