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Eric M. Schurman
William J. Pardl


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the enchantment of phantasia


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. ? 100 Things # .

words count : journeys


.com : .nu

monday 08.21.2000
and counting

damn...i DESPISE being sick. that's where i have been this last week folks...being sick. thinking i am getting well one day only to fall back into head cold hell the next. my ears can't decide if i should be able to hear, i keep attempting to hack up a lung, and let's not even go into the amount of congestion i have. no fever, thank god, but i get pretty tired. and i am hating every minute of it. hell, i am even going to bed EARLY trying to kick this damn thing and it just won't go away. i did go see a doctor and it is a head cold, it just happens to be THE california head cold from hell that is kicking everyone's butts out here at the moment. not much can be done until my body decides it wants to get well. other than that all she was able to do was give me a prescription decongestant that is also a stimulant. on zippiness! plus she put me robitusin dm...NOT fun...that stuff is NASTY!

other than that, i am behind in everything, overwhelmed, swamped, lost and confused. i am losing scribes left and right in tsf...feeling pretty much out of my league there right now. i don't have enough people to cover what i need done. in ns i went silent on one committee and am doing what i can to get involved in the others despite being ill. i think lifestyles will be GREAT if i can get it going off the ground. all the sisters came up with some great ideas that i have managed to incorporate into the activities we will be doing. and butterfly is just a matter of getting the pages up and recruiting. but i still felt a little lost initially when i came back online and was able to pay attention for longer than half a minute.

in other areas, saxy alternates between being an asshole and being conciliatory. now...there is only ONE thing in my life i lie about...and i do that to protect a child from a very vicious family member. and no, i will not share it here either. just on the way off chance she may look through this stuff one day. no child deserves what she would do. anyway, so i lie about only one thing in my life. in everything else i am pretty straightforward and honest. what you see is what you get, no games. well...saxy "decided" that i was having an affair with emce BEFORE we broke up and got pretty damn mean about it. since this was totally untrue, i obviously denied the point, but he wouldn't listen. we had a 3 hour fight that lasted over half a dozen phone calls, finally ending when he admitted maybe he should leave me alone for awhile. that resolve lasted all of a few days. yesterday he calls...hears i am sick and that i am going to the doctor and decides to pay for it. insists on it as a matter of fact. can you figure this out? he's got me lost.

in other news: school has once again become a no go for me. the only online accredited program with financial aid that i could find is too expensive to take without loans. i already have 2 staffords and a perkins i can't pay off, why the hell would i want to add to the balance when it is going to take years to get to the point that i CAN pay them off. i am still trying to figure out why the hell the school is charging $1300 per CLASS when the students aren't using any of the school's facilities. that's an outrageous amount. but as i said, they are the ONLY university with a complete program online that is accredited and had f.a. available. and, no, i can't go to classes in rl. with my son's school schedule, i'd be out of class for finals almost every quarter. it's an impossible situation and feel a bit backed against the wall by it.

one piece of good news this week. without saxy's income to be taken into account, my rent went from $441/month to $181/month. now that's something i think i can handle and actually get caught up on a few other payments. and my sweetheart seems to be more than willing to help out. and in other news, providian lost a lawsuit and has to refund MILLIONS of dollars to consumers (and let's all hope i am one of at least life isn't all bad. otherwise i'd have to ask someone to put me out of misery.

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Since July 9, 2000

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