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so pathetic
monday, april 25, 2011

i was feeling a little under the weather yesterday and decided to take part of the evening "off" and relax and watch a movie. i was even going to go to bed a bit early. the girls had their laptops, saxy had gone to bed after a very long day at work, the kids were all down. so it was just going to be me and the tv, watching anything i wanted.

turns out i'm still not able to "just" sit.

i've always been a bit of a multitasker, and always been something of a mover. not that i like exercising or anything, just...always have some part of me moving. on the laptop, it's my fingers. it used to be, when i was gaming or sitting and reading, it was one of my feet. i honestly think the only time i'm totally still is when i'm sleeping. seriously. i otherwise seem to need to have something "going". it's part of my adhd. i don't climb the walls, but something is always going. including my brain, which apparently doesn't shut down to normal activity levels even when i sleep. (i thought i had an entry where the doctor mentioned that, but can't find it.)

at any rate, back to last night. so i settle in to watch tron: legacy. within 30 minutes, i started tinkering with my chapter, and not because i don't like the movie. i LOVE this movie. i want to own this movie and watch it repeatedly. but i couldn't just focus on the movie and nothing but the movie. 30 minutes after that, i had saxy's and my laundry separated and had switched the last of the kids' loads.

the only version of relaxing i seem capable of doing is reading. and even then, even when i'm engrossed in a book, i'm up and down and moving around and twitchy.

so i can't be still to save my life if i tried. but i guess if my brain doesn't ever shut down the way it's supposed to, then why should i expect my body to. still, really, it's pathetic. i can't even sit and just enjoy a movie i like. that's just plain sad.


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a large ship; especially : a large merchant ship; a fleet of ships; a rich supply

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