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sleeping away
sunday, october 12, 2008


i'm really having a problem staying on top of things lately...all i want to do is sleep. some of the sleeping is definitely the night owl schedule -- mornings are the only time i really can sleep. but once i'm up, i'm still not really up. i get my son in the door, and it's all i can do to stay awake with him -- which i need to do, and more frequently fail to do.

honestly, it's irritating the hell out of me. yes, i can stay up all night like i'm supposed to for this switch, but i'm having a hard time getting my evening things done because i'm half asleep most of the time. i'm even falling asleep during "my" shows. (okay, no big crime there, but it goes back to being irritating.)

now, some of this is definitely still the weather in play. i definitely feel better and more awake on sunny days as long as i don't wake up with a heat headache (which is a common thing for me out here -- between the humidity and the lame a/c, it happens a lot more than i like). for several weeks we had nothing but overcast skies, and i got more sluggish and more down until i was downright depressed. sun comes out and, wallah!, i'm fine. lately the cloud cover has been more sporadic -- a day here, two days there -- but it still seems to have a little of an accumulative affect on me if i don't get a decent number of sunny days in between. i blame it on living in cali for too long. ;)

i'm also pretty sure some of it is "recovery stress". unfortunately, even good things happening have stress associated with them. saxy was unemployed for 3 months or so, he's had a job for maybe a month and a half. we have a long time to go before the mess from the unemployment is completely straightened out. so the job is good, but that doesn't mean we're not still feeling being jobless.

and the longer he's employed at the driving job, the more concerns are being raised. we're starting to feel we have to be cautious about everything with them because there's such a big chance what we're being told is b.s. saxy supposedly has a check for about $2000 coming up, according to his calculations based on what they told him about what he'll be paid. but other drivers claim to be getting only $800 for 2 weeks of work, which has us wondering if the company is going to find a way to cut that gross pay down. for example, one of the components of how he is paid is mileage. he's supposed to track how many miles he drives. when he called his mileage in on a particular route the other day, he was told they'd gave to check what he told him against their records. this brings up two issues: 1) why have the drivers track the mileage if they have records they use instead of what the drivers say, and 2) are they going to shortchange him on the mileage based on what's in their records? saxy is even concerned that the salary he's supposedly on will be dropped out of the check because he earned more on mileage and so on, even though they've said he is salary and his pay is salary plus. so far, nothing has been quite what they've claimed at this place, so i can see why he's concerned.

so the job is good in that we have money coming in and can pay bills and hopefully stagger back to our feet, but it's also adding stress. i've been worried about the hours. so far, he's worked 14 days in a row, most of those days 10-14 hours each. they don't pay overtime, and they don't pay extra for days beyond 5. in fact, they pay LESS for off hours and weekends, not more. it's just nuts. so far, the target job isn't coming through -- something is being sorted out (supposedly) but it is looking less and less likely that he'll get the job. which means saxy will NEED to look for 2 new jobs if the paycheck is docked more than expected just to avoid burning out and to get something with benefits. i don't know how he's going to do that with the driving job driving him into the ground like this. it's worrisome and stressful.

i know health is an issue, and that i'm fighting 6 months of sickness that followed years of not so healthy practices. basically, i'm a physical wreck. it takes time for wrecks to get taken care of, and i'm finding it very hard to work on this wreck consistently. this adds stress in a different way. we're eating better, but the whole exercise thing -- the bane of my life for like FOREVER -- is just not coming together the way it needs to. i'm going to try something different this upcoming week to see if it helps me get on track. we'll see.

oh, and, oh yes...i turned 45 on the 5th. but we all know that's not stressful or sleep inducing at all, right? who would want to avoid a birthday? i mean, really?

and who knows? maybe the whole idea that i KNOW i shouldn't be sleeping my life away is adding stress as well. how sad is that? really, i'm working on this. i don't like sleeping my days away and struggling with my evenings and having no energy to deal with anything at night. life is supposed to be getting better now, but how can i see it if all i'm doing is sleeping?

so, i guess what i need to do is control the weather, and remove all stress from my life, and get healthier. hey, i know i should be able to manage at least one of the items on that list. the rest are a little bit more out of my hands.


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having the form of a straight rod; wand-shaped; straight and slender; a yardland, or measure of land varying from fifteen to forty acres
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