i've figured out why, after only 1 week back in class, i'm ready for this assignment to end. it's more than having to get up at god awful hours just to be in to work on time. it's more than the kids who make me want to strangle them. it's even more than the financial stress we're under and the other worries crowding my mind and emotional state. and it's not the fact that i'm not writing, though i'm sure that's also playing a very large part of it. it's not even the fact that i'm usually pretty tired anyway (because of being anemic).
it's that there's no break. i don't mean, there's no vacation time because there has been. i mean, in any given day, i don't get much of a break from my job. of course, we all know teachers take their work home with them. but grading isn't the problem either.
i actually have some smart kids who make grading kinda cool. and i have a more than a few idiots who don't turn stuff in which makes grading even easier. but i have more than grading to do. i have planning.
i am literally only a day or two ahead of my kids in terms of what we're doing on any given day in the classroom. when we were reading the odyssey, it wasn't the first time just for them. i may know about poetry (our current unit), but i've never taught it. as enjoyable as it is to not have to teach to kill a mockingbird, i don't have the resources all ready to pick and choose from and to use in the process of teaching the unit.
so, i come home and i have to begin my search for materials. then i have to plan my lectures and activities and homework, if i'm going to have any. if i'm lucky, i'm far enough ahead that i can turn any worksheets in to the lady who does the school's copying. if i'm not so lucky, i'm using my own ink and paper. once i have all that settled, i grade. i have yet to finish grading. the stack is already piling up, which means i'll spend this weekend getting caught up. and part of my tiredness is from staying up to get some of this stuff done and having to be up at 5 a.m. to get ready for work.
there is good in all this, i suppose. i am building up resources to use when (if?) i finally get a full time, permanent position. that may not help much this year, but it might alleviate things a little next year.
and then there's the extra stuff i have to do to make sure everything is ready for when the regular teacher returns. getting the record book i messed up back in order, making copies of my plans so she knows what we've been doing but i can show i know how to do these kinds of things, and so on. in the classroom, i'm cleaning up, organizing, and taking care of all the records and everything else.
and this constant being "on" is just plain wearing me out. even if i didn't have everything else going on that i do right now, i'd be tired and ready for this particular position to end.
2 more weeks. then i'll nap for a day or two, polish up the resume, and send it back out. i won't take any offers unless they're full time, permanent. i'll rest. and, if i don't get offered full time, i'll actually be okay with it for a bit. being a "regular" sub will be nice. and a lot less exhausting.
