or trying not to, at any rate. it's been a busy week - successful in a lot of ways, but also very long. dreaming and ink are moved and most the site links updated, the dii forum is pretty much up. all i have left is to find a software i can tolerate for my .com updates. and i need to decide what to do about the freewrite ring since meghann's ringlink seems to be malfunctioning. there were a few things i didn't get to - fixing any of the whysper archives was one of them (not that i expected to get them all done, but something would have been nice). i also managed to get some revisions in, a crit or two (and am trying to get another 2 or more done), a few other small things.

but my praxis is also a week away and i still don't feel quite so prepared for that. i've been sporadically studying my math, taking notes out of some older, college books i have, since that's about all i can really do any prep on at the moment. i gave up on the outlines - it just got too frustrating. i know of one place where can take a trial test, but, other than that, there's not much i can do but hope. i should do okay. i got 186 on the math and reading tests from the book i purchased, so i'll just have to hope that it was fairly accurate and i can do almost as well when i take the actual test. beyond that, i'm trying not to think about it.

the other things i'm trying not to think about is the fact that the oldest has now joined the army. against my wishes. hell, she didn't even listen to me about choosing another branch. i've been depressed since i read this last night. her recruiter called this morning and tried to reassure me that she'll be okay; that the army doesn't pull the lying out their asses bullshit they did when the ex and i were young; that even if she did get deployed to a hot zone, she won't be front lines but on a "nice, safe base." safe my ass. the day they can prove a base is safe from missile fire, then i'll believe she's safe.

i will admit the deal sounds good for her - over $70,000 in college money, a good chance for a really high paying job when she gets out, a $3000 bonus. but i can't help but feel she's giving up her dance career, and that she will regret it for the rest of her life. anything can happen in 5 years, including her going to a hot zone and not on a "nice, safe base." if it had been under a different president, one not so determined to use war to boost his popularity, i might not be so upset about this. if she had gone into a different branch, i might not be so upset about this. but all i can do now is try not to think too hard about it and try to adjust.

yea, this is going to happen.

okay, yea, it probably will, it'll just take time.

one bit of goodness today: i got kitten's grad and formal dance pictures. god i have a beautiful girl. and that doesn't take much thinking at all.