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thursday, may 20, 2004

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the days, and this move, are getting away from me. i meant to write earlier, but it's probably a good thing i've been a bit too busy to do it. monday my brother called and had to rescind his offer of helping with the car. the timing couldn't be worse since i'd already picked up a few more things we needed for the trip and bought some more food for the family, which means the card got that much more decimated. i'm not upset with him, i understand his reasons and even support them. but we were once again horribly short for this thing and it was once again looking like we would have to resign ourselves to staying here. i even had an acquaintance offer to help write our resumes for cali, and told her we already had them, which we do. problem is, my resume doesn't help me since i have the wrong degree, and saxy's resume hasn't helped him because we don't have a car.

seeing the door closing on this again upset me and made it impossible for me to take a nap before the ssi appointment monday afternoon. fortunately, tired or not, that went pretty smoothly. the ex and i do have to get a notary signed agreement on the new level of child support, but it doesn't change anything. i did mention to her that there was a chance that in july or august we'd be moving to georgia and she told me i'd contact the office there when i did. now i just got to hope they don't try sending taz's check to the closed account like they did the last time i changed banks (although, that time they waited a year and a half to do it).

tuesday morning, saxy's mum called and said that we were to go ahead and take care of the animals' vet visit, get the cats chipped, and get the info on gypsy's chip changed if we can (or rechipped if we can - which ever will work) and they'd reimburse us. and saxy told them about the new glitch. apparently his father reiterated his belief i could get a job in a riverside school. i reminded saxy that 1) there are no school jobs, just layoffs; 2) i don't have a teaching certificate; 3) they don't have any emergency credentaling out here anymore and haven't had any for some time. he knows this, but between his dad and the lady implying all we needed was a good resume, and not having had much sleep, i was pretty frustrated.

he told me to go take a nap. :P

in the afternoon, i went with dad and kitten to her first gyno appointment. can we say unhappy? and she was even MORE unhappy when the doctor prescribed the patch. i told her it was probably a good idea since i probably wouldn't be here for her to sit down and talk to (trying to think positive, really; besides, i'm already on a roller coaster about this move, the kids don't need to be too). yes, she'll be able to email and call, but that's not the same as being able to sit down together and talk about it. the doctor told her to just go ahead and refill it and hang onto the prescription. the real downer of the day for her was when she was told she had to do this kind of appointment every year.

later that night froggy had to go to the doctor for her eye. yesterday i had to go fill the prescriptions. the ex is willing to write a bad check on dvd's but not on meds his kids need. i gotta say, i don't get it. and i also must say, by then i was extremely frustrated with just about everything.

i'd say i don't get what's wrong with me, but i can think of a ton of explanations: menopause, stress, lack of sleep, etc. they're just adding up to a not very domy domynoe. and i haven't done much of any writing all week except a "cheat" i did for monday's class - which was a bust anyway. neither of those things have done much to help my emotional state. sigh. and i hate feeling this way. i want to go back to being easy going and generally cheerful in spite of things.

however, a bit of good news. saxy's folks will cover the car. we have to cover the food and supplies. i'm glad they realize we need this, but i feel bad about this too. i feel bad about this whole thing. no one should have to help take care of us, we should be able to do this. more than one person has told me they could get work out here, but every time saxy and i look at or the paper, there's just . . nothing. well, there's obviously something, sales jobs requiring a b.a. in business and 4 years experience for a job that pays commission (i suck at sales), i.t. jobs up the wazoo, and other stuff that neither of us are qualified for. he would have had a job awhile back if we'd had a car. i poked around a little today looking for work in the atlanta area, but i'm afraid to do too much. wouldn't it be just my luck to find a great job, but not be able to apply or not get it because we won't be in the area for another 2 months?

a few years ago i wrote about helping out a lady who seems to have the worst luck in the world. sometimes i wonder if that luck rubbed off on us.

you know, even if we don't make it to atlanta, things have just got to get better eventually. i mean, seriously, even california can't stay the land of i.t. and sales forever (although it may stay the land of needing a car. i swear i don't get this state: on the one hand they encourage everyone to car pool and reduce the number of vehicles on the road, on the other the bus system - which is pretty damn good and very extensive - is a no no for employers). it's just another challenge, another bump in the road, and somehow we'll make it.

but, really, let's hope things are finally settled. i'm supposed to give our notice on the 2nd. i'd hate to do that and then have everything fall apart again and have no where to live.

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word of the moment: cozen

to deceive by artful wheedling or tricky dishonesty, cheat, defraud; to beguile craftily or victimize by chicanery; delude, deceive; to bring about, induce, or obtain by artful wheedling or tricky dishonesty intransitive verb; to act with artful deceit; chisel


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