it's a good thing i didn't sign up for holidailies - i'm just not doing a good job of keeping up here. even my writing journal hasn't been the usual daily affair of late. and it's not like i'm not around or anything. just not much to say i guess. i'm working on my novel and am 10 chapters away from being done with the third revision. i'm probably driving my writing group crazy with the way i'm zipping along. but i really do want to get to the next revision. i'm prepping for classes that i'll start teaching in january at dii, retyping a bunch of corrupted files, and so on.

in other words, i'm keeping busy. the busier the better.

i'm avoiding sleep. well, more like making myself so tired that when i do go to bed, i pass out. and i wake up not remembering much of my dreams.

lately my dreams aren't worth remembering. they involve mysterious people coming into my home and taking literally everything we have, right down to the last stitch of clothing, furniture, and piece of silverware.

not something i particularly want to remember the next day. so i just keep busy for 18 of my 24 hour days, sleep 5 or 6, and wake up not remembering a thing. works for me. i'm tired a lot, but that could be from not being able to buy my iron right now. okay, so i'm probably wearing myself out, but i'm not sure the nightmares would have me doing much better.

so, i write and revise, i do web stuff, i read, i play on the ps2 (while i can!), sometimes i even manage to read. i keep busy. too busy, but busy. it's all stuff i enjoy, so i suppose that's good. and hopefully the writing will pan out. nothing else is at the moment.

saxy's looking for work everyday - i spared some money for a bus pass to make that possible - and one day it won't be like this. but, for now, i avoid sleep as long as possible.

and just keep hoping it will get better. it's all i can do.

it will get better. we just have to make it through the rough times. even if we lose everything, it will eventually get better. for now, though, i keep busy and avoid sleep. i'd rather keep my hopes up than be beaten down by the irrational fears of my mind.