it's been a pretty quiet week, partly because i was under the weather for at least half of it. i'm doing better now, still having a little trouble with some kind of eye infection, but it's doing better so no worries. my head has been a bit of a mess, but it looks like it's been thinking about raining, so that explains that. however, all this not feeling so well made me realize i'm going to have to pick and choose my meds soon. i'm going to need my asthma inhalers. i've had more trouble breathing of late - stress, the fires, cold weather, it's all ganging up on me. i need to get my credit card back under limit so i can order my iron. but i can probably live without my adhd, ulcer, and nasal meds for the time being. and i might be okay with the iron if my cycle continues to be so weird as long as i keep taking my multivitamin. financially we can't afford any more than that though, especially since a judgment is probably going to be made against us before the year is out.

and there isn't one thing i can do about it.

thanksgiving has been nice and quiet. the kids went to dad's on wednesday afternoon and should be back some time this morning. it's always nice when linnorm gets the time off so the kids can spend the night. they need their dad, we need to peace and quiet. i just wish his tendencies wasn't to just set them in front of the tv - they need his attention, not just his presence.

the oldest is having a pretty miserable time at the moment. she crossed the line and has been given her final ultimatum as well as told not to associate with those people who are influencing her to behave as she has been. she almost got pulled from varsity dance, but if she gets pulled this time it's for good-no going back, and not by our decision but by the instructor's. so she was told, one toe over the line and it will be over. the next toe over the line will pull her from the school. i hate being like this, i hate feeling like i'm being an unreasonable witch. but, it's time to put the foot down. she's been disobedient and lying about it for too long.

why is it teenagers think the adult population is so stupid as to not have a clue? we've been there, how could we not know?

the job situation still looks pretty bleak and looks like it will remain so. in the effort to get the cali budget back on track, higher education took a big hit. i don't know if that will reflect on the public schools or not though - the universities can raise fees even if the students don't, public education can't do that. still, my internal debate continues: do i go ahead and register for the online teaching certificate program i found or do i try to apply for the master's program? the t.c. will take about 2 years, but will there be teaching jobs in 2 years. the master's is designed more for the write than the teacher, which is a good thing since the universities around here won't be hiring for a long time to come. then there's the third option: go back to college and get another b.a. in something less likable but more employable. the options give me a headache, i swear. i emailed my old uni counselor and asked for advice, because this is just a mess.

if we could get out of the state, we'd be a lot better off. most other states have some kind of work available and cost less to live in. but we can't do that without a place to stay - i can afford a bus ticket for one of us, i can't afford the motel room.

something will work out. it usually does, eventually. and the one thing i'm most definitely thankful for is that it's not worse. it definitely could be worse, a lot worse. we have a roof over our heads, we can get by even if just barely. the very basic needs - housing, food, being with others we love - are all taken care of. it just would be nice to get the bills paid without having to "rob peter to pay paul," to live in a neighborhood that we don't feel so threatened in, to be able to take care of extra things like dance lessons for the oldest. it would be nice to be able to pay the $50-$100/month the past dues want me to pay every month.

heck, maybe this time next year i'll have sold my novel and get enough of an advance to pay a couple of the steeper bills off.

it's a nice dream anyway.