so, one of our creditors finally did what they've been threatening to do: i just got served yesterday. and there is nothing i can do about it. i can't afford to file a response, i can't afford to pay for a bankruptcy, i can't afford the $30-$50/month these debt agencies require in addition to a regular payment. hell, i can't afford a regular payment.

none of these bozos will take $10 or $25/month - that amount won't even cover the fucking interest they charge. and even if they did accept it, with the number of bills piled over the last few years, well, let's just say this would have happened eventually anyway. do you know how hard it is to take care of a family of 6 on $1100/month? i never denied owing the money, but unemployment sucks you dry. extended unemployment leaves you with nothing. the only reason we're not in the streets is because we're in low income housing. and i still pay $350/month. which means the rest of it has to feed us and pay utilities, drug costs, clothes (we do have 4 kids), and the occasional treat when we can find the moneys for it.

looks like no treat this christmas. we were going to take the kids to see the two towers, maybe even peter pan. "little" things like that and the occasional book are all i have to give to my kids. their father has to cover the important stuff cuz we sure as hell can't.

my kids sure could have done better in parents.

pretty damn good thing i've pretty much got nothing to lose. no car, no house, no land, no boats, no fucking property at all. 40 years old and i have NOTHING to show for it. well, except debt.

it wasn't supposed to be this way. i was supposed to get my degree and start subbing. my degree came late, the governor cut the budget, and now even certified teachers can't find work. my degree is worth less than the paper it's printed on. it's a cliché, but it's true. and i can't get into a masters program to save my life. so i can't get a higher degree that supposedly gives me a few more options.

it's a good thing we don't have a car they can take away; it's a bad thing we don't have a car to be able to get out of the area we're in for work.

we're buried, drowning, and all we can do is let it happen.

so, these guys will get their judgment and we'll be able to pay as much as we were able to pay before: nothing.