we've had a concern recently that i haven't mentioned in the journal for some reason, perhaps because for us it could have been a very scary concern indeed. over the last year or so, my monthly has become fairly regular. not that it wasn't regular before that, it was just regular within a rather large leeway. maybe having a teenager doing her thing has helped me get better at doing mine, i don't know, but it has been very nice to be able to know when to expect my most miserable days of being a woman. and when to warn others when best to avoid me.

then two months ago the whole cycle thing flew the coop.

now for any woman, having her monthly decide not to be so monthly usually means one thing. however, that one thing for us, or rather for me, is a big worry. see, i have 4 wonderful and annoying little buggers already. i always wanted 5, but i knew with the fourth on that my body was finished. i have issues, folks, real health issues. i have bad ankles, a bad knee, and a bad back. i'm severely overweight and have yet to be inspired enough to overcome my dislike of exercise to do much about it. i am asthmatic and anemic. i am on (or should be on) medications for asthma, adhd, an ulcer, and a nasal inhaler for allergies. i am a medicinal soup that would be highly unhealthy for any little one to grow in and it would be highly unhealthy for me to be without some of those medications for a 9 month period.

then there's the tubal ligation. oh, yes, when i knew my body was done with the baby thing, i had those suckers tied and cauterized. problem is spontaneous regeneration is not unheard of. california has the honor of being one of the first states to start to "wrongful birth" lawsuits. in the one publicized case, a lady got fixed only to have 3 more little ones to follow said fixing. (personally, i wouldn't have waited until number 3 to appraoch the matter in some way, but hey, maybe she was trying to make sure she was once again mother material.) now days hospitals have you sign paperwork that say you won't sue if things decide to grow back as they can't predict that. the thing with pregnancy after fixing is that there is a higher chance of a tubal pregnancy.

so, a much desired #5 versus a possible tubal pregnancy, my health issues, and the medicinal soup problem, well, you can see we were not too thrilled with the monthly cycle going south.

good news: we're not pregnant.

which means it's probably menopause. we'll be checking with a doctor to verify, of course, that's just good ole common sense. i need to see my doctors again anyway, check ups and such before i refill my meds in case they want to make any changes.

but it only proves the point i've tried to make to friends all along: i'm indeed getting old.