one more worry
saturday, november 16, 2002


warning: this is a female stuff entry - men may want to leave (as well as anyone who's really not interested in quite so much information). now that i have scared off all two of my regular readers, on to our regularly scheduled entry.

well, it looks like one of my mother's curses may be passing on to me whether i like it or not. just before (or around) this time her mental illness became obvious, she was having a horrible time with her period. she was bleeding so badly that there was a concern she was hemorrhaging (so she told me). the solution: a hysterectomy. makes sense, really. if you're bleeding too heavily to be healthy, you do what it takes to stop the bleeding.

when i started gaining weight, my periods got heavier as well. i've always been irregular, and i mean seriously 29-39 days irregular, and have had to watch for my pms symptoms to get a clue as to when things are starting, but at least the cycle itself seemed to settle into some kind of predictable pattern. the first day is light, the second night i am literally up all night whether i want to be or not to manage the frequency of changes, the third night things lighten up, and after that i'm basically spotting for about two days. it's a schedule i've pretty much gotten used to.

but there's always been a concern. that heavy night is really heavy, which is why i'm up all night. and, of course, there's the anemia. even when i can afford and take my iron like i'm supposed to, i'm exhausted during the whole process. i mean, i seriously sleep pretty much through most of it. i just have to stay up the one night.

and now, over the last couple of months, the heaviness has gotten worse and is taking up more time. my whole cycle is a day longer, the first day isn't light but what i would consider more of a normal flow (if my high school and young adult days are any indication), and the heavy stuff starts on morning two and doesn't end until night 3 or morning 4.

this is not good. and the whole idea that the only solution may be a hysterectomy scares me to death. as i mentioned, that's about the time my mother seemed to lose it. there's no known link to becoming a basket case and a hysterectomy that leaves the ovaries behind, but that mental knowledge is not an emotional reassurance.

i do know i need to become more active, i need to exercise, and i need to lose weight. and i also know there's a lot of stress in my life and stress affects a woman's cycle. so, next check i'm going to try to pick up a video, may two, something total body and something low impact aerobic. i'm going to try to get my weight under control, despite previous failures at the weighting game. if i can take care of this without surgery, i'll be better off. although, i must admit, i wouldn't mind not having a monthly visitor any more. it's the one thing i hate about being a woman.

just what i needed right now. one more worry.