burning
sunday, june 16, 2002


i'm tired.

more than tired: i'm exhausted. there are things i want to do, but i have no energy to do them. even my attempts to write are failing. all i want to do is sleep. once in awhile i pick up a book and get through a page or two, maybe a whole chapter, but more often than not i am surfing the web mindlessly or sleeping.

this does not bode well for my plans for this summer.

the fact that my writing is suffering too really hurts. i have 2 shorts i want to finish, and a novella. assassin's choice is back burnered for now - i just can't deal with it and the possibility of having to rewrite it from scratch for the 4th or 5th time. i also have a new short i want to start, but it just isn't starting. i feel like one of those old cars that just can't seem to get going: i turn on the laptop (key in the ignition), open the program (turning the key), start typing (revving the engine), hate it and toss it (sputtering to nothing), then shut down the pc (engine quits). it's frustrating. i have the ideas, they just don't want to seem to work right now. and i know the harder i try, the more blocked up it will become.

i know part of this is because i'm feeling overwhelmed. there was so much i left undone while in school. and now there's more to do because we've moved saxy;s and the girls' domains to cheaper hosting and they need an easier way to update where possible. then there's the 1-1/2" stack of crits from 4 different workshops, the 2 new projects i want to do, getting entire HUGE sections of my own site online...and i have no idea where to start!

something's gotta give. and soon...in the fall i take the cbest and start substituting. this has to be pared down to something manageable by then or it will never get done.