friday, september 7, 2001
issues

well, i can see any even remote fears i had about saxy and des'tynie would never come to pass at this point. she doesn't like him. in fact, she really doesn't like him; he gets on her nerves. the other day she said something to the order of, "i can't stand you." to his face, but the tone of her voice was such that both he and i thought she was joking. she's not, and the amount of stress she's been under is making her less prudent in her remarks the last day or two. i asked saxy if he wanted me to say anything, and he said no, so at this point i will honor his request to let him deal with it in his own way and time. but i am very ready to throw her butt out the door and make it very clear that it is my choice to do so and that saxy had nothing to do with my decision to do so. she's in our house and needs to respect him as my husband even if she doesn't particularly like him. if she thinks her years of dedicated child care before i was married will give her preference over my husband, she has got another thing coming.

now, i understand isn't the most social or socially adept person in the world, and i understand that he doesn't hear how he sounds sometimes and that he comes off as angry or whatever. but he has been working on changing, he's working on finding ways to interact, and things are a hell of a lot better than they were before we separated and got back together. maybe it's because i am used to how he is and can make allowances for his 'hardness', i don't know. but i love this man and we are working things out. it isn't easy and it isn't happening over night, but it is happening.

things have been a lot more stressful for everyone this week. saxy, des'tynie, phoenixcat and buggs all started school tuesday. by thursday the tension in the house was insane (and it made sense for it to be). loads of craziness, particularly tuesday:

des'tynie had gone to her son's school the friday before and supposedly had gotten him all enrolled and set up to go. come tuesday, he's not enrolled. it took 2 hours to get everything all settled, and by that time he had missed one class and she was late for her classes. her classes are court ordered and she is required to have a certain number of hours. as od today she's missed a full day and has to make those hours up.

phoenixcat came home completely stressed (poor kid had managed to start school while pmsing!) and broke down when we told her we wouldn't have everything on her list that her classes needed until next week. she got confused as to where her bus stop is (and we found out she has to ride a city bus as the nearest school bus stop is further away than the damn school), almost didn't have lunch, and already had homework in her least favorite subject: math. she was one unhappy kid.

saxy is making himself physically ill over school. he must have 12 units from his ed plan (so not just any 12 units), and, in his usual pessimistic way, has been pretty certain that he won't get them. things are gradually working out for him, although, admittedly, the schedule he's coming up with isn't the best, it works. the classes are all off his ed plan, and the hours are working thus so far. he has one more class to try for and three choices that are offered on saturdays. i keep telling him things will work out. some days i just wish he would believe that. having been out of school for so long has him stressed too, and paying for books as late as we have to pay for books (he'll get them tuesday and that's a week behind, and he needs time to read...). i have faith he'll get through, now just to convince him of that.

then my youngest was an hour late getting home. with traditional track going back on, the routes are being reapportioned plus they have new drivers. in other words, no one has any idea what they are doing. i was on the phone trying to find her when she walked in the door. god i hate scares like that...

all of this makes me sooooo glad that i didn't start school this week. i am sure once i do start my level of stress will put all this to shame.

the big hope now is that most of this will settle down, people will chill, and the house can calm down for about a week. it has been nice for saxy and i recently and all this unsettlement and new issues being brought in is disturbing.

i don't regret my decision to help, but i definitely will rescind it if need be.