monday, september 3, 2001
craziness

ok, so i am writing this entry on the 4th, but that's only because i just finished editing and posting a new draft of assassin's choice chapter 3 for del rey. and, in a way, such tardiness is quite in line with the rest of yesterday's insanities. so, no matter when my notify list gets word of the update, or even when this is uploaded, this entry is for monday, september 3. whether or not i manage an entry for tuesday, september 4th remains to be seen...something tells me the craziness has only just begun.

the weekend sucked. more specifically, the dryer died and none of us have a single clue on how to fix the dang thing. so, the $200 i managed to cut from our school supply costs will more than likely go to a repairman. i suppose i shouldn't complain really since the dryer has been here one year less than i have (and it feels like i've been here forever) and never seen a single repairman in all that time. heck, the time the washer had a problem it turned out the apartment manager had to snake the lines. when you consider that the clothing for 5 kids and 3 adults have been washed almost every week for 5 or 6 years now, amana's are pretty damn sturdy machines!

however, we just could not afford for it choose to lose it this weekend. in fact, another three months and it might have been reasonable manageable, but now is a very bad time. with two adults and two children starting school tomorrow (the 4th, folks..just so you don't get confused here), taking all weekend to do laundry because everything had to be hung up made the whole school prep thing that much harder.

as for the $200, i don't have it yet. it is coming from my school loans and they will not arrive until after the 10th. so not only are we in dryer hell, everyone has to make do on school supplies until then. i am sure some parents are wondering how the heck i can cut $200 from the purchase of school supplies. easy: the original bill was more than three times that. now, before you freak out, consider this: we have 3 adults in college, one high schooler, a junior high schooler, and a quasi junior high schooler (the last 3 are all in advanced classes and already writing reports and doing research papers and algebra) in addition to two younger kids. add to that the fact that i buy in bulk (guarantees we have the supplies we need all quarter long at a cheaper price), and i think anyone can see how the bill could easily sky rocket. no here's the bonus: i am taking 5 classes and 4 of them are english classes, plus i am a "budding" writer. baby, the cost of paper alone is astonishing. and i am positive we will need more black ink before december hits.

thank god dad is helping to handle the school uniforms for gym and dance and whatever. in the end i think it all equals out: i spend a fortune on their supplies, he spends a fortune on their uniforms. it all works out somehow...trust me. his just generally happens all at once while i buy three times a year.

don't do the math, it's honestly far too frightening.

(more frightening is the "catch up" payments i have to make for the summer, but we really don't want to go there.)

our second lovely surprise was not only a notice stating that saxy could no longer get disability, but also that he had been over paid about $1100. so he didn't get the check he was expecting, he got a bill. just lovely. i honestly believe he almost gave up school. like most men, he feels that pressure to provide. all i said, essentially, is "whatever you choose, stand behind it and don't second guess it or you won't be able to do your best. i will support you regardless of your choice."

he's going to class tomorrow.

oh yes, it is going to be a bitch of a three months, but we WILL manage. i ALWAYS manage. i have for years. some days i am scraping by and barely making it, but i manage. my kids are housed, clothed and fed.

finally, all of this culminated into the "day before school" in its classical "oh my god, make it stop!" form. oh yes, today was one winner of a day.

phoenixcat and jewel opted to start fighting before noon and no matter what was said or done, they kept at it all day long.

i spent all day trying to edit chapter 3 between persistent fights, constant interruptions and saxy asking me, "what's wrong?" i hate to get snappy at him when i am writing, really i do. he's usually not so bad when i am writing, he understands the need to write and not lose the creative thoughts in your head. but when i already have the kids all over me, and him yapping at me every 5 minutes, the answer to "what's wrong?" should be very obvious.

i initially told him "what's wrong" was the kids. this was true. having to tell the two older girls to knock it, not speak to each other, just get your chores done, so on and so forth, repeatedly was very wearing and frustrating. when he asked "what's wrong?" a second time, i repeated the same answer. the third time, i just pointed towards the room that held two bickering female children. by the fifth time, i wasn't in the mood to deal with him either.

i did eventually get chapter 3 finished, but it took over 10 hours just to do the hand written corrections on the printed page. 45 minutes a page is just a bit much in my mind, even if i did totally rewrite 4 paragraphs and got stuck twice. most of the pages had minor changes (like a single word) or not a single mark.

but, oh yes, i was not a very happy writer by the time i got to the end, and i am absolutely positive the damn thing sucks big time.

the end of the evening was so fitting...

since my oldest is in advanced placement (similar to honors and gate) and dance, i foresee her being very unavailable for the next few months. so we chose to all sit and watch t.v. together. yes, mom even got away from the computer. however, despite the t.v. guide's assurances, the program we wanted to watch was pre-empted by tennis of all things. so we choose to put in a tape. no big deal except saxy wanted to be ready when the program did come on to tape it. and when the tape is over, sure enough they are now in the middle of the program.

irritation isn't the word.

then, i tell miss phoenixcat that she should head on to bed since she is not used to getting up early. i know she heard me, she did that disgusted click noise she does with her tongue on the roof of her mouth when she hears something she doesn't want to do. admittedly, she didn't argue, which probably should have been a clue. she did have to collect some clothes and finish one last dusting that she missed on chore day. but after that we pretty much expected her to be in bed.

at 9:45 pm, 30 minutes after the "you should go to bed" comment, jewel comes down and tells us she's defragging their computer.

????

the discussion that followed was not pleasant, but i have since come to the conclusion she was expressing her nerves in her usual negative manner. twice we had to explain that getting hysterical over the dance clothing would not help get the dance clothing here at 10 p.m.

there was bright spot this weekend...

phoenixcat has had a pretty bad weekend all around and sundae was probably the worst since she laid into for being disrespectful to me. and no, not by saxy. in fact, saxy is trying to back off being too disciplinarian. as the "step" parent, he needs to work on his relationship with them before being a parent (which is why i was the one interrupted all day long today). she cried hard. and after that she went to saxy to get a hug. well, he let her set on his lap while he held her...and she fell asleep that way. the two were like that over an hour before we finally managed to get her upstairs and into her own bed.

there's hope after all.


have you SUBSCRIBED to the update list yet?