friday, july 20, 2001
expressions: because i love you
write a letter to either your future children or the ones you have now. what would you tell them? what would you tell them to hold onto, what to forget? what advice? what warnings? what do you wish you had been told?
to my beloved children,
as i write this one of you is in the throes of teenagerhood and all its hormonal glory and another is about to enter it. as i see you growing, as i make the decisions that make you hate me when i really love you so much, i worry if i am doing the right thing. there are those who would say i am too hard. that i need to give you more space and more control over the decisions affecting your life.
and i just can't do that. i love you too much to do that.
you are my children and i am responsible to raise you as i see best. handing you the reins to your life when you are in no way ready would be the most dangerous, harmful, unloving thing i could do. the least amount of time any of you have left in my home is 4 years. it doesn't seem like a long time at all, but it is. and they are probably the most emotional, illogical years that you will experience in your lives.
there will be days when you will hate me and think i am being too hard. and there will be days when you will iwsh i was giving you more and be miserable because you don't understand why. so i am going to tell you why.
because i love you.
because i love you i will not let you make a decision and actually follow through with it if it is dangerous to you in any way.
because i love you i will not hand out answers like candy.
because i love you i will be watchful of who your friends are.
because i love you i will be stricter than you think necessary.
because i love you i will protect you from what i deem inappropriate.
because i love you i will teach you to be a stronger person than you think you are and push you to do your best even when you hate it.
because i love you i will take care of you even if you don't like what needs to be done.
all i can do now is do my best. all i can do now is hope that as you grow you remember, you understand, that it all comes from love. and that i want you to be everything i know you can be. i will not choose your career, your husband, your lifestyle, or much else in the future. but in the here and now it is my responsibility to make sure that you can meet that future with your head held high and with self-respect.
i love you more than you know.
and maybe one day you will understand that.
with everything in my heart for you,