knowing that i have been a night owl has been no comfort lately. see, even before
the kids i was in bed by 3:3:30 a.m. after the kids it became about 2 a.m.. i can't
seem to get myself to sleep earlier than that but later than that makes it next
to impossible for me to get up with the kids at 8 . . . or earlier if i have need
to. i generally prefer about 5 - 6 hours of sleep a night. less than that and
i am groggy and tired all day, too much more than that and i suffer these horrid
back aches. sometimes i'd press my luck and sleep in until 10 or 11, but i always
paid for such indulgence with back pain, so once a week (usually sundays when
the kids go to church with dad) was the best time. regardless, i had a fairly
normal schedule and would be awake at the normal times for the world, and asleep
within the normal hours if just a bit later than most folks. when i was on the
claritan and wellbutrin this schedule was somewhat enforced. the medications made
SURE i was asleep by 2 a.m. as long as i took them at midnight.
all of this went out the window and down the drain over the last week and a half
or so. in fact, my newest sleep odyssey seems to have begun shortly after my meds
ran out. whether or not there is an actual connection, i don't know. but it is
an interesting coincidence. particularly since one of the problems keeping me
up till all hours is thinking too much too quickly on too many different things
at once.
of late i haven't been doing much sleeping. at night that is. i go to bed around
2 a.m., and somewhere around 4 a.m. get back up because i haven't been able to sleep.
somewhere around 5:30 or 6 i finally get tired enough to crawl back in bed and
sleep till noon. thank goodness the kids are good about getting themselves ready
for and off to school on their own, and the older ones are more than capable of
helping the younger ones do so. i go to bed so exhausted that nothing short of
the house falling around my ears would wake me up, if that.
for awhile there i gave up on even going to bed until i was so tired that i knew
i would just pass right out. to pass the time and try to get me to focus on one
thing to think about until i fell asleep i have tried any and all of the following,
sometimes within the same night:
* playing a game i have already beaten on the play station (however, i usually
get myself in the middle of something important and skip the save spots even when
i find them)
* watching vh1's insomniac theater (this would work if they didn't keep playing
new videos all night long, which, of course, i MUST see as well as hear)
* reading (if i had any boring books in the house this may also work, but i only
have books i truly enjoying reading - even if for the tenth time)
* aimless surfing the net (again, i get too fascinated. however, this seems to
have a quicker tire out time than the others)
* sex with my beloved (sometimes i fall asleep, most of the time i feel more invigorated
and awake)
* graphics creation (this one tends to be a really bad choice as once i start
something stopping in the middle is not an option for the most part)
* working on my site (while admittedly i sometimes get bored with this, its usually
not enough to put me to sleep).
* paying bills or balancing checkbook (tends to be very quickly finished)
* laying in bed staring at the ceiling . . . for HOURS
i did manage to get up before 10 this morning. for once i heard the phone ring.
i used to jump awake when the phone rang, but since this insomniac period started
i am generally dead to the world when i do sleep. maybe i am finally getting this
turned around schedule back on track. not holding my breath on it. with all the
busyness in my head i am sure i will once again be counting stucco spots on my
ceiling again, if not tonight then very soon.
