it is official. i start school in january with no medication as our insurance will run out at the end of the month. even if my dear saxy got a job tomorrow, it would be 3 months before we qualified for insurance, meaning i'm going to miss the whole first quarter for the most part. the welbuttrin may not be the best choice to control the adhd, but so far it is my only choice an dit does work at least moderately. knowing i have lost my own management system, haven't been able to regroup enough to find it again, i have to admit i am nervous about this prospect. i still forget, i still lose track of conversations, i still distract easily. and it will get worse when i am no longer on medication. my first quarter back isn't looking so good right at the moment.

and this week doesn't look to be dedicated to job hunting for the most part, first there is the holiday coming up. thursday and friday will not be good days to put in applications for the most part. today his mother is picking him up to get some more of his stuff out of his apartment. and yes this is necessary. as of the end of the month he will not be able to pay the rent, and that will put him in violation of his lease. there's nothing he can do about it. again, even if he got a job tomorrow, most places don't pay for 2 to 3 weeks, depending on where you enter in the pay period. that puts his first check around the middle of december, way past the first. so all we can do is get as much of his stuff out of the apartment as possible before then so they can't confiscate it. so, today he will grab smaller stuff in a few trips. on thanksgiving he and his dad will go by with a truck and collect the refrigerator and a dresser among other things. and i will be cooking turkey.

thanksgiving is daddy's holiday for the kids. for the last couple of years he hasn't really been able to spend it with them. as a nurse, he has to be available for holidays. but our agreement is that he gets them thanksgiving and christmas eve so i can have them christmas day.

THIS year, he will actually be off for thanksgiving. they have tried to call him in, but he has so far declined to change his schedule precisely because he hasn't been able to spend time with them for the last 2 years at least. so, for thanksgiving, it will be me and saxy and his folks. the menfolk will move furnature, the womenfolk will cook. works out since i am not very good at the physical stuff anyway, it hurts too much. i managed to get our turkey for cheap, less than $5 for a 12 pound bird. i bought stuffung and a few other fixings. nothing major as i was originally not planning to have company. i figured it would be me and saxy and that's about it. his folks haven't seemed too inclined to be as accepting of me as they were before, so i figured we MAY have them here for christmas, but that would be for the kids. not that i am panicking about it all. i already bought the food, and a 12 pound bird is still pretty big for two people. we can afford to share i think.

christmas is looking dismal. no money for gifts for the kids. heck, i don't even know if i will manage my traditional christmas dinner: cornish game hens. and despite not having gifts to place under it, the kids are insisting we put up the tree anyway. in a way that is more depressing. but the fact that they want to keep to our traditions warms my heart. they understand the reasons for our traditions and want them to continue despite the slim year we will be having. and i suppose anything could happen between now and then. i could get THE web design job of the year. not likely, but possible in some remote way. and then i could afford presents, maybe. bills always come first, and we are behind on a few! i suppose if such an astounding thing were to happen i could make partial payments just so i can get something for the children.

tuesday saxy goes up to the local indian bingo to take a math test for a job. a friend there has put in a word for him and one of the supers is watching for his application. of course getting this part done is only the first step. he has to get "informally" hired, then he has to be approved by the gaming commission. yes, that's right, they do a background check. like someone is going to run of with deep bingo secrets or something. i am sure some of it has to do with the fact that employees are around so much money. and my friend has listed me three times as a reference, so i know some of the less wierd questions. have i ever seen him drunk. well, no. i know he drinks, but i have never actually seen him drink. are his friends disreputable? not to my knowledge. has he done anything illegal? well, i am sure you have gone over the speed limit too. and so on. i am surprised they didn't ask his sexual preference. from what he told me, they asked about another person's pets. how many did he have, does he feed them and take care of them ok, etc. and this has to do with the job how? i can see the reasons on the questions about money. a lot of it goes through the place. but pets? oh please. fortunately tuesday is only submitting the app and doing the test. then he's off looking for work in other locations for the rest of the day and wenesday.

you know, there is just too much that is up in the air in my life right now. hopefully it will all settle soon. real soon.