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whysper
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friday 09.15.2000
and it's morning


i am changing my medication time to midnight. tried it last night and it worked wonderfully. i was asleep (and a very restful sleep actually!) when i needed to be and awake bright and early this am. that was so cool! i never get up bright and early. i swear i am allergic to morning. it's worse when i can't get to sleep by or before 2 am. i can take a day with 5 or 6 hours of sleep, ask me to try with 4? forget it! i am just no where near coherent. heck, even with my 6, it takes an hour before i make sense. i have held entire phone conversations at 7:30 am (required ones even), and had no idea i even answered the phone an hour and a half later. saxy swears he's held conversations when HE thought i was awake (looking directly at him, making sense as i respond) and i still have no idea what was said later. it's one of the reason he gave up kissing me good-bye in the morning. why bother when i wouldn't even remember it?

i have most of my closest friends on icq trained. if i say i just got up, they say "talk to you in an hour!" more than one has been subjected to my nonsensical incoherency before that prerequisite hour. you guys think i can't spell now? you should SEE what i come up with in that first hour of actually being in an upright position! i make up entire new LANGUAGES. and even if i manage to speak in english, i still make up interesting words and put them in very strange order. i have no idea what i said, but i still can recall a more than a few "WHAT?" messages coming in. they are responded with the only thing i have managed to train myself to say, "i just woke up. talk to me again in an hour." and this rather simple request is near torture for me to actually type out.

the only time this is usually a different story is if i have a meeting or something. then the fact that i HAVE to get up and HAVE to get dressed and actually walk out the door wakes me up enough to make sense where ever it is i am going. good thing too. the only time the ex is available for things like my son's i.e.p.'s is at ungodly hours in the morning. i tell you all, the world doesn't start turning before 10 am, i swear it doesn't. no one on god's green earth needs to make an appointment for 8:30 am...except my son's teachers and my ex husband. this was one thing in saxy's favor. he'd just call off work. made the paycheck a bit short, but certainly made it a heck of a lot easier for me to be able to look at someone and honestly say, "yes, i now understand the theory of relativity as you have explained it to me. thank you."

with this history in mind, imagine my surprise when at 7:15 am, without prompting, no fights, nothing at all, i woke up bright eyed, alert and almost ready to go. (i say almost cuz i still decided to laze in bed for an hour anyway.) mark this day on your calendar, it may never happen again! and the next time a miracle is scheduled, someone please warn me if i am it's object! to much of that and i may just never get out of bed again.

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Since July 9, 2000

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