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tuesday 09.12.2000

you will have to forgive me if i sound a bit odd or dopey today, or even for the next few days. my doctor gave me a new allergy antihistamine, claritin, and i am reacting with my usual spaced out let-me-go-to-sleep reaction. i know i need to give my body a few days or so to adjust, and perhaps actually get a full night's sleep, but my first reaction is...NOT.

i am a medical mess. perhaps not as bad as some, but bad enough for me. i had my first allergic reaction when i was 12 (taking the claritin plus a nasal inhaler called flonase), got an ulcer when i was 15 (taking zantac for that), acquired adult onset asthma when i was 30 (azmacort and ventolin) which is triggered in cold, damp air (our wet winters are so much fun...NOT!), have been struggling with severe iron deficiency for the last 4 or 5 years (to the point that my memory and management skills have suffered incredibly) and take a multivitamin and iron for that, plus i get puffy ankles which require i take a water reducing pill. i also have severe keratoses on my feet. that's the crusty dry stuff some people get. i have a lotion for that. add to this that on the 22nd we finally find out if i am adhd and i have an undiagnosed/undiagnosable back problem. we know i have pain in a certain spot, the doctor knows it, x-rays and all the rest show nothing. but touch me in that one spot and i curl up in agony for the rest of the day. i am over weight, pretty sedentary, and sensitive to drugs. i will lay down before i take tylenol for headaches. and i don't care how non-drowsy you think that antihistamine (ANY antihistamine) is, it will knock me out, or at least make me somewhat entertaining in a vague i'm really not here kind of way. and do not get me started on codene...i am OUT, gone...not even an earthquake would wake me up under that stuff.

for over a year i haven't taken any of my medications. why? no insurance, and just 4 of those medications cost nearly $200. heck the lotion for my feet is $13.00 and i DON'T get a break on that at all. plus a multivitamin, iron, stool softener...well, this bill is HUGE. couldn't afford it without insurance.

right now all i want to do is curl up in a tiny spot and fall asleep. mind you, if i do any schedule i may have would be shot to hell as my days become night and my nights become days. (i always had a fascination for vampires, but i already know i cannot live as one...the idea of drinking blood makes me shudder...eeeewwwww *does cucui shudder*).

so right at this moment i am dealing with a very unhappy back and am half doped up and not quite here. i know i needed to see the doctor and get these meds refilled, but i am really regretting it. i hate taking medications. i tend to forget to take them, mostly because i don't want to. the only thing that has changed on my list is the antihistamine, so i would suspect that that it is the source of my dopiness right now.

i think d'plez will have to wait for the rest of the info she needs for the inkwell until after i go to legal aid tomorrow to fill out divorce paperwork.

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Since July 9, 2000

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