upon the encouragement of some crazy people who seem to think i honestly can write, i am trying something totally different...and probably totally out of my league. and it has me completely unnerved: writing for money in a monthly ezine format. i am sure most everyone is going to wonder WHY this is a big problem, so let's see if i can explain my illogical, twisted thinking. mind you, everyone will tell me i am being an idiot, so, just to let you all know: i know i am being an idiot. idiot can be my middle name upon occassion...it really can. like today, downloading some files, i completely over wrote the saved versions of the updates of some of those files. see? idiot. it should be stamped on my forehead in this case.

at any rate, i know i sit here and write for free...here in whysper, in my blog, for my poetry. but to me those are easy. they come straight from the heart. other than the poetry, they don't even require grammar or punctuation (note lack of capitals). spelling errors can be forgiven in personal writing. so these are easy, i just write. and if no one reads it, no big. after all, while i do keep the audience in mind, i write mostly for me so there's no sense of rejection. i have yet to receive any weird hate mail for what i have written, but i am sure those who have read my rambles have just been polite. i also haven't received any fan mail, but then i am not expecting any, so no loss there either. the point being, no matter your reaction here, there is no REAL risk for me because i will write anyway, not for you or anyone else but for me.

but being paid for what i write? wait a minute! that means it HAS to be good. it has to have proper punctuation, or at least close to it, and it has to be SPELL CHECKED! it can't just flow, it has to be thought out. it has to follow some kind of plan. it has to entertain. it has to make them want to come back for more.

oh the pressure!

and what if the 3 or 4 friends who are subscribed are ALL i ever get? now i am not only an idiot, i am a failure! so now we can tattoo "idiotic failure" on my forehead. and somewhere we can add "frustrated" because last night i did the first chapter and between dictionaries, thesauruses, the dmg, the players handbook and the hand written chapters in front of me i was going so crazy that when saxy called he kept telling me to walk away from it for a bit. paper was flying everywhere, books were piled and re-piled, lost in the piles and found again, and interesting words flew about as well. plus i had to figure out some new names...now that was fun...NOT.

so after all that, i now present to you my risk: Visions of Mind.

please send any complaints to dana, masaka, emce, and saxy.