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time? what's that?
wednesday, august 17, 2005



am i ever tired lately. all over, achy, down to the bones tired. that 2 month vacation killed me not only financially but physically as well. i no longer have the cast-iron bladder that can last all day without a potty break. my ankles and knees are protesting the sudden activity level. my writing is suffering, my reading is almost nonexistent. time online is spent looking for lesson plans and printables. heck, i hardly even make it to my usual 2 a.m. bedtime. i am flat on my back exhausted now days. up at 6 or 6:30, out of the house by 7:45 or 8, not home till 5:30 or 6 pm, planning and grading and whatnot till 10 or 11, in bed by 1 am at the latest. tonight (erm, last night? it's 12:45 am - you pick!) was the first night where i really had nothing much to do - and didn;t have a storm overhead for half the evening, so i typed up some revisions to one of my shorts. this past weekend i actually managed a crit. it's been a rough couple of weeks.

and i've had some issues. i did something to one of my feet on registration night. it's not the ankle, but been along the side of the foot. nasty painful. and having to be up and around on it most of the day hasn't helped much. in fact, the pain made it so hard to walk that the tweak messed with my knees, which were bad to begin with. i appear to finally be doing a slow heal with both the foot and the knees, but, man, does all the aching pain and stiffness make me feel old.

then there's been this sense of not quite being where i need to be with the job. every time i feel like i've finally got a handle on it, someone tosses something else into the mix and throws me off balance again. and it's not the kids! it's the adults around me. on the one hand, it's way cool to be treated like part of the regular staff. on the other, i don't have all the background stuff they've given to the regular staff, so i feel like i'm constantly lost. every new thing to remember to do, every meeting where i have no foundation to what they've been talking about for a week or two longer than i've been in the mix, every additional task we're given just makes me feel that much more overwhelmed. however, right at this moment, i am going to cautiously say i think i finally have something of a handle on the basics around there. and friday things should get a little easier. instead of my trying to plan my own science lessons, we'll be doing a grade level planning meeting, which takes loads off my shoulders . . . and hopefully will free up just a little more time since i won't be seeking plans and whatnot on the net.

financially we've hit the wreck. 2 months with me not working and having my daughter over for those few weeks have finally caught up with us. not having the ft position yet has me on edge. we're scrambling for everything from utilities to rent to food. jewel needs glasses. we all need clothes. and shoes. jewel needs braces for crying out loud. we need cheaper rent. we need furniture. and right now i feel like we're working twice as hard to stay in the same financial stress we were in while in cali. it almost makes me wonder if the move was worth it - i don't care what anyone says, working just to barely get by when you can barely get by without working isn't worth the effort. i almost wonder because the neighborhood is 100 times better and probably worth all the work all by its lonesome. still, we need a much cheaper home to live in and for me to have a ft teaching position - salaried and benefits and everything.

then comes the rumor that my brother is being something of a putz. he's suddenly checking up an saxy's work and hours - even telling saxy what he did and did not work even if he had to ask what time saxy got there. he's told saxy he can't take mondays or fridays off ever again in one breath, but is apparently indicating to others he has no new work lined up. saxy mentioned that he'll be looking for a second job because we need the income and mcat apparently indicated saxy wouldn't have the time to work it! i'm not there and there could be a lot of miscommunication going on, but, really, my brother seems to be control freaking on my hubby. and apparently more than one person really doesn't like the way he's been treating saxy. as for saxy, well, i'm all for him finding another job at this point, even if we have to take a hit in the wallet. he's starting to come home cranky most of the time, and that makes for an even more stressed home environment - something i'd really rather not have right at the moment. there's enough on my plate to deal with.

kiddles have all started school taz is quite happy to be back in his same class as last year with the same teacher. he's indicated at least one of the para-pros has changed though. froggy has been transferred to the school i'm currently working at and seems to have settled in there fairly well. she already has a friend or two she hangs out with all the time. heck, in my room they have to be separated. froggy's just too much of a talker. jewel is entering the "no life" zone with all ap and honors classes including 2 math classes and chemistry. she brought it up for registration in the spring and we told her it seemed like a heavy load but it was up to her. she's already finding geometry a bit of a challenge, but not having so much trouble with algebra II. science is already threatening to cost money with a mandatory science project. *sigh*

as for me, i have 4 classes of wiggly, squiggly 6th graders who all need to learn they aren't in elementary school any more. i've already reassigned seats for 2 of the classes and tomorrow i will do it for a 3rd - all classes that can't seem to keep the chatter down. and, yes, froggy is one of them. i've also already assigned a silent lunch to 2 of the classes for the same reason. you'd think they'd learn, eh? it's only been a week and i'm already starting to get some names and faces connected - which is not a good thing for some of them. and they've all managed to bomb a quiz - one that shouldn't have been that hard since the quiz was pretty close to the notes i gave them on friday for it, they had the weekend to study, and really had no trick questions whatsoever. they were rather depressing to grade. the kids have all been told to take them home, correct them, get them signed, and turn them back in. and have been told that this isn't 3rd grade, they have to get into the middle school groove and fast. we've also had a pre-test pretty much to see what they know - they get 2 more of those over the year to see how they're progressing. friday i hope to let them do their first simple experiment - something to help them pull together all the scientific process stuff we've been doing. some time in the next 2 or 3 weeks i'm also supposed to find time to help with reading tests. i'm at a loss on that one. we don't have time enough to teach and all that as it is.

as for kitten - she's called twice and written once. she sounds like she's doing well for the most part. she's having trouble with the running, but is desperate to not have to start over, so is working real hard to do what she needs to do. apparently it's a good thing she chose a computer type mos - she says she's a real lousy shot with the guns.

the cats are showing signs of separation anxiety. vagner has become all snuggly again, ororo must see her man when he comes in in the evening. she's also taken to sleeping under my desk. not that all this affection has helped as far as hitomi is concerned. we still have cat fights right and left. and because of the problems with her not using the box, i think it's harder for her to see we're not bad guys because we have to put her in a crate when we sleep at night and when we're away during the day. that means her time out and about is somewhat limited. i feel bad about that, but i'm not of a mind to go cleaning up after her all the time either.

so, right now it's a lot of crazy, and a lot of waiting - waiting for the first check, waiting for the ft job, waiting for the aches of going back to work to go away, and so on. i hate not having the time to write or revise or crit, and am really hoping these grade level content meetings will help. if i have less to plan and worry about over the weekend, then i'm hoping that will result in time i can spend on my writing stuff.

god, time. you know, just having time to sit back and relax and nap or watch tv without being forced to multitask would be so nice. i need some me time.

whatever that is. :P

word of the moment: phlegmatic

stolidly calm, unexcitable; unemotional; having or showing a slow and stolid temperament

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