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thursday, december 9, 2004

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holidailies 2004

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there's more than just actually working again to get used to with the new job, and more than just my writing being impacted. my cold seems to be nose diving again - i'm not quite sure it actually is since there's also a storm headache involved at the moment. i started having trouble eating early yesterday - which could be the cold becoming something else, having eaten something disagreeable the night before, a delayed reaction to being on the cold meds for so long, or the fact that the cold hit the phlegmy stage - and today i'm getting that feverish, achy head feeling again. i think having to work every day (because right now we really need my paychecks to be as big as possible) and the weather are kicking in to make it that much harder for me to get well.

the winter weather is something else out here. there's no snow . . . yet, but there is a lot of rain. that really isn't that much different than cali, so we're used to the wet. but in cali, the storms are in and out quickly - sometimes right on top of each other, but quickly (which means more frequent storm headaches for me. the storms in cali usually dump a lot of rain, but lightening and thunder weren't really that common - at least not where we were. out here, almost every storm lingers for at least a couple of days (less storm headaches - yay!) and most of them tend to be very dramatic. lightening flickering through the clouds in multiple layers and shapes or sheeting across the sky - and usually very bright, and the rain out here doesn't just pour, it pounds - sometimes continuously, and sometimes in waves, as if the clouds pause between downpours to catch their breath.

today's stormy weather was accompanied by a thick fog that didn't let up until after lunch. cali frequently has these really foggy mornings, but it usually burns off by noon. anyway, between the rain and the fog, i figured it might be a good idea to get an early start to work today. apparently so did everyone else in gwinnett county.

traffic out here is interesting. it's pretty much a constant stream of heavy with going to insanely heavy a couple of times a day. when i had a car in cali, freeway driving didn't bother me unless i had to go to l.a. out here i avoid freeway driving like the plague - drivers get nuts enough on surface streets, i don't want to experience them on the freeway along with the confusing interchanges and switches and change overs and etc (santa monica freeway drivers might understand that one). i've always been a cautious driver. that doesn't mean i don't go over the speed limit, but i try to be very careful when driving, especially in bad weather. i stay within 10 miles of the speed limit, give other drivers plenty of warning for any changes, use my turn signals, and so on. a lot of the drivers out here remind me of why i don't like driving in l.a. they cut across 4 lanes without warning, block intersections despite signs that tell them not to, whip down residential streets like they're some kind of speedway, and do other stuff that makes me wonder if they realize they're driving a dangerous weapon with a lot of other people in their own dangerous weapons who are driving like no one else is on the road. so far my one consolation is that there are very few road rage shootings out here . . . at the moment.

one a more personal note, i had a little trouble finding makeup that worked for me. we're supposed to look professional at the middle and high school levels. to me that means makeup. i did finally give up on foundation - there just doesn't seem to be anything that works with my skin, although i still use a little on my eyelids to help the eye shadow "stick." my next problem was finding mascara that didn't irritate my eyes. it took me a few trials (and god that crap is expensive!) but i finally found something that works but isn't $10 or more a bottle. i considered using almay, but that stuff is cost prohibitive.

i've never been a "designer label" kind of person - if something works the way it should, why pay more for it just for a damn name? if the jeans fit and wear well, who cares what label is attached to your butt? heck, in my case, i don't really want anyone looking at my oversized butt anyway. anyway, it's the same with makeup. if it works just as well, why pay 2 or 3 times the cost for some fancy brand? that's just a pointless waste of money.

anyway, my next task is to find some slightly brighter lip colors. i keep buying stuff that tends to disappear on my face, which makes it pretty pointless to buy. the problem is, while i could wear most non-orangey reds well, i'm not comfortable with them - unless they're dark and brownish. i've been trying to find something middle ground or in the wines, but i keep choosing the more cautious shades and coming up with similar colors.

i know, i know, i should give it up and go makeup free, but that leaves me almost faceless. my glasses are so thick you can't see my eyes, and my hair hides pretty much everything except my nose. getting contacts again could help with the eyes, but would cost me over $400. and cutting the hair would help some too, but only a cut that neither saxy nor i would find acceptable would work. so, makeup it is.

and there's so much more changing as a result of this job. big, sleeper t's and stretch pants don't fall under the category of professional clothing, and i actually need enough bras to get me through a whole week. and i should note that the clothing hunt hasn't been going well. i need to lose a size or two or be prepared to pay a fortune and neither option sit well with me (well, okay, losing a size or two would sit well, if i actually could get that to happen). then there's the time, energy, and patience i no longer have in the evenings for the family - i need a little more space and down time now (especially after a really bad day). i'm sure a lot of my internt friends think i'm m.i.a. (amazingly, there are no real net withdrawals yet - i'm too damn tired to sit at the pc long when i get home from work).

this all seems so petty, but in a life already unsettled and overwhelmed with other stresses, even the smallest adjustment can seem huge. for all i know, it's dealing with all this junk on top of the financial issues we're trying to get sorted out, not being able to write much, and all the other stuff that's been going on that's making it harder to shake this damn cold (along with being anemic, of course). i know everything will start to feel normal again eventually, it's just all the holiday vacations that are slowing that part of the process down . . . along with everything else. in the meantime, i get to feel a little off kilter.

now to get off this machine before it gets fried from the storm hovering overhead with its waves of pounding rain and pretty lightening.

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