that's exactly what happened on my first week or so of subbing - i lucked out. the last 2 days have been just plain exhausting. some of these high schoolers i'm having the pleasure of working with honestly need to be slapped or something. i know that sounds bad, but man do some of these kids have a mouth on them. pure attitude. and a lot of them seem to think that as a sub i have no power when all i have to do is get another teacher or call the front office to get an administrator. and they always act so surprised when they get a referral to the discipline office. like they don't really know what they did? yeesh.

seriously, i hope this teacher i've been subbing for these last 2 days is back tomorrow. i don't want her classes for one more day. oh, the first 2 aren't so bad. yesterday i couldn't get them to talk, which worked perfectly for today's study sheet. but the next 2, oh my lord. i couldn't get them to shut up! today i had to send 3 students total to the discipline office, 1 of which had be taken out by another teacher because she decided she wasn't going! once she was out, people settled down a little bit better (amazing what a teacher willing to write a discipline referral can get out of these kids). the last period was quiet yesterday but only had 5 student (some school sponsored activity took everyone, even people who apparently hadn't originally planned on participating - which i thought was funny). but today i had the whole class and it got a little out of hand and needed an administrator to come in. i gather a few of them are on their last legs with the school and were worried she or i would write them up. it improved a bit after that, but not by much.

then there are the kids that manage to stand out, and not necessarily in a good way. i had this one kid who's . . . borderline, i guess. yesterday he was just such a hassle. today it was like he was trying to help, but not really helping? i didn't feel his behavior today warranted any kind of referral, but it was just . . . odd. and there was the girl yesterday who came in 20 minutes late than had the nerve to tell me she wasn't doing the quiz in a very disrespectful tone. i mean, really rude. it's girls like her that make me wonder what kind of adults we're raising for tomorrow. my kids talk like that and they literally get their mouths washed out with soap. what was really scary is someone asked me at lunch who the girl was and a whole bunch of the teachers nodded their heads knowingly. all i can say is, oh my.

at least i can be thankful there's no weapons to my knowledge, no one getting shot, no metal detectors being installed.

beyond that, the job is very wearing. i'm not spending much time here at the pc (so if you haven't heard from me, it's not you - it's me coming home and taking it easy by reading, napping, playing ffx - anything to just chill and not have to think for a few hours). i check mail, a few boards, take care of any immediate stuff like fl's or dii, then i'm gone. even the writing is practically at a halt - though with the better classes i do get a chance to crit or revise while they're working. obviously not a whole heck of a lot of that going on this week so far! lol

and i do enjoy the adults i'm working with. everyone is so willing to help, they're all very friendly. maybe it's because there's such a need of subs around here that they don't want the ones they have scared off or something. or maybe they're just generally friendly. i have noticed in other places that people smile and say hello to just about everyone, even strangers. a big difference from the "if i talk to you i might get jumped so i won't even meet your eyes" attitude in cali. despite the kids, i feel myself unwinding a little bit. i do feel a little awkward and more hesitant than i used to, but hopefully that will pass with time. i haven't had social input for awhile, and used to live in a threatening atmosphere to boot, so some readjustment is sure to be expected.

my first check is either being mailed on the 20th and should be here like the 22nd or 23rd, or will actually be here on the 20th. not sure which. not even sure how many days will be on it. the next check, i hope, will be a full month or as close to it as i can get. then january's check will be a bit short again because of the winter holiday for christmas. these kids are out december 20th and don't go back until january 5th - which sounds really late to me considering in cali they get back in the 2nd or 3rd (and it's odd to say it's real late when it's only a few days, but still). still, even with the checks being a bit short for a bit, they're going to help massively. it may still be awhile before we get our feet under us, but we will.

now i just got to get a handle on management again, and everything will be cool. i feel odd/bad saying that, and i am trying to cut myself some slack because of the mitigating circumstances, but i do feel i should be on a more even keel than i am. i know it will all get itself worked out again, lots of upsets and things have just put me off kilter, but i feel like i should be recovering faster.

what, me hard on myself? never!