it's been a long weekend. not because anything interesting happened, or because we were busy, or anything like that, but because the female thing knocked me on my butt. i pretty much slept the weekend away.

i definitely shouldn't have canceled that doctor's appointment for the end of last month.

this really is getting pretty serious. i become extremely anemic during this time and can barely function. and the length of time is expanding. it used to only be one day through the whole cycle. it only recently went up to two. this time around it was three. and it seems to be taking me longer to recover from it. this is not a good thing.

and the whole thing is literally making me physically ill: sick to my stomach and unable to eat, tired, achy, and all that. for 4 days, sometimes for the whole thing. i am seriously ready to stop going through the female thing now. menopause is looking good. barring that, i'll take a hysterectomy. (the good news there - an operation like this would be covered 100% by the insurance i'm on.) i can't live this way. i definitely can't find a job this way. it completely trashes any schedule i may have and it takes me awhile to get back on track. i feel like i lose 2 weeks out of every month.

not to mention the anemia is a *itch. i am taking over 180 mgs of iron a day now to try to get my iron levels back up. with my periods being this bad, i probably lose ever step i gain every month. the exhaustion is just plain annoying. i won't get any more specific than that other than to say i literally have to stay awake all night 2 nights in a row changing things and taking care of personal business every hour to 2 hours even with the heaviest available products. it's that nasty.

i have an appointment with a gyno in late september. i plan to keep this one. i have to fix this. i'm tired of dealing with it, tired of it interrupting my life, tired of it threatening my health. it's depressing, it makes me feel old, and it's draining as hell.

i'm just plain tired.