when i really think about it, it's kinda scary all the different things i've been interested in creatively. most of them i'm not in touch with now, a few i miss, others were just experiments, and some i miss only when i run into someone else who's doing it and doing it well. i've been creative just about since the day i was born. for example, i decided that my cake for my first birthday needed to be a bit more creative in its presentation. rather than doing the typical one year old clawing at chunks and making a mess, i sat on it.

i never could do anything the same as anyone else.

i've always been one to draw and write. i preferred pencils with my art, never having gotten into the traditional child's crayon on the wall or, when i was older, into any kind of paints. close second has to be pastels, but they are a pain to work with, so i stick to colored pencils. stuck to, anyway, i haven't done much in the name of artwork in over 10 years. you can actually see the last of my work over at my writing journal. it's my mother's fault i got into art at all. she was an incredible, blue ribbon winning artist before she lost and and i, being her daughter, naturally wanted to do the same. i never once won a blue ribbon, but i don't think i ever really tried to either.

during my adolescent years i tried all manner of crafting and definitely decided i didn't like most of it. one thing that did stick with me for quite some time was crochet. i made blankets and sweaters . . . for everyone else. i don't recall when i finally slacked off and stopped crocheting, but i do know that for all the stuff i made, i don't own any of it. i keep telling myself it might be a good thing to pick up again, something i can do while i watch tv, but i never do. i just don't miss it enough to make the effort.

one of those things i miss only when i see how well other people are doing with it is photography. i took a photography class back in the day of clunky 35mm cameras, even before 100s were popular. i love imagery, which is probably why my descriptions in my writing are such monsters, so photography seemed like it might stick. unfortunately, shortly after that class and before my parents purchased a camera for me, they divorced and mother could not afford a camera and all the accessories, especially after we moved to cali. now photography is in bloom on the net and i miss it every time i see a well taken photo. not that i can afford a camera, or find the time, or even go anywhere interesting enough to photograph. and, no, you do not want photos from my place or around my neighborhood. the world is depressing enough without me adding to it.

then there was the home redesign biz, a sort of business supported interior design career. the interior design version of avon. i enjoyed that, but it didn't last long. and no, not because i was spending every dime i earned on my own products - i couldn't afford them. it pretty much died because i couldn't make money at it. i learned a hard lesson from that biz: very few people make the top sales and most of them are in management.

sometime during the design stint, or just before, i took up cross stitching. i still have all my cross stitch stuff in this big basket i bought just for the hobby. it's brimming to over flowing with patterns, clothe, thread, and kits. and one day i will pick it back up again. it might take another 3 or 4 years, which i think is the last time i ever stitched anything, but i will. i have christmas ornaments to finish for the tree we no longer have. obviously, it might be awhile.

and, of course, most people who hang around here long know about my years as a web designer. that lasted longer than the interior design but folded for a lot of the same reasons. the difference was the software and learning curve, which are both incredibly steep. i do still miss the web design, but just can't seem to fit it into the writing schedule.

and there's the thing: when you are creative at so much and could probably do any of it well, maybe even make a decent living at it with a little discipline, you find you have to choose what you will focus on. i am a writer. i probably should have been a writer all along. i've always wanted to write and be published, but never thought i was good enough and so diversified my creative energies. i could probably try to be a jack of all trades, but i would never really reach my full potential in any of the things i like to do if i did. and during all these other creative endeavors i was always writing.

perhaps that was a clue i should have picked up on long before i did?

the amount of growth in my writing over the last year or so has been astonishing. and it's growth that may never have happened or would have happened at a far slower pace if i hadn't chosen to focus solely on my writing.

sometimes, when there are so many things you could do, you have to choose only one.