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turning normal
thursday, november 28, 2002

the strangest thing is happening to me: i'm getting on a "normal" sleep schedule. well, normal for the rest of the world anyway. for me it's just a bit bizarre to be going to bed before 11 p.m., being asleep by 11 p.m., and waking up around 5 or 6 in the morning. i could actually work a real job! (well, if my degree was posted, but the prof still hasn't changed the grade. even if he does change the grade now, the degree won't post till next year. i'm not happy.) i'm still keeping to my usual activities when i get up - check mail, check boards, read journals, go play on the ps2 for a bit, eat, then write. i do miss the lighthearted chitchats i was starting to have with the friend who has now cut me out of her life, but i am finding i enjoy the peace and quiet in the house in the morning. which may have been one of the reasons why i wrote at night: no interruptions. it's just otherwise totally bizarre to be up so early in the morning and not be going to bed.

one of the things i am concerned about is my creativity. night time has always been my best time for writing or creating anything other than a web page. now that i'm not awake at night, i'm finding i'm not writing as much. before this weird normalcy hit me, i'd write a little in the day, then read or whatever, and come back and write until 2 or 3 in the morning. i got a lot done that way. now i write maybe 1000 words a day. most times less. and i don't feel as creative.

well, i know this won't last forever. eventually my night owlness will rear it's head again and i'll be back to strange hours. i never stay on these strange schedules for very long. my sleeping habits always eventually migrate back into a pattern of being up half the night. at least i'm awake more than i sleep now - it shows the iron is working. but not only am i awake more than i'm asleep, my sleep hours have increased to what more people would think to be the minimum a person needs, about 6 1/2 hours. i used to sleep only 4 or 5 a day (generally from around 4:30 or 5 a.m. to about 9 or 10.) i really do feel better overall. my iron is back up, i'm getting more sleep but not sleeping every free minute. being normal isn't so bad, it just seems strange when you're not used to it.

site of the moment:
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word of the moment: melancholy

an abnormal state attributed to an excess of black bile and characterized by irascibility or depression; depression of spirits; dejection; a pensive mood