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expressions: millionaire
friday, october 11, 2002

we all think about it. what if i were a millionaire? what if i won the lottery? it doesn't matter if you're well off or not; money makes the world go round and we'd all like more. more so we can meet needs or desires, or more so we have more power. people are rarely satisfied with what they have, even if what they have is excessive by most other people's standards. some of that is the fault of advertising. i think we've all been victims of the "oh that looks cool, let's go buy it!" syndrome. and i think we've all been disappointed with some of said purchases. that want for more is human.

i don't really want to be a millionaire, but even i've thought about winning the lottery. i don't play it. mind you. the odds are too big and the lottery money that's supposed to go to the schools doesn't really. less than half of lottery income goes to the schools that the lottery was supposedly created to help subsidize. the lottery giving money to the schools is almost a joke. so, if there's a snowball's chance in hell of me winning and the schools see less than half the money spent on tickets, why bother? it's totally pointless. so i don't play. but i do dream.

i know that if i won the lottery i'd want my money in one big lump sum. california used to have a wonderful credit rating. somewhere in the last few governors, that credit rating went into the toilet. i've watched cities declare bankruptcy out here in california and am just waiting for the state to follow suite. so, despite having to take a huge a chunk out for taxes, i'd want a lump sum. then, when the state does declare bankruptcy, i have the money i won.

besides, it'll be easier to pay off my bills and do the other things i want to do with the lump sum. i admit, my initial leanings are pure selfishness, and maybe even paranoia. after paying off my debts, my first action would to be set up the following interest earning accounts: one for us to live on (we'd live off the interest the account earns) and a similar one for my husband (always have to hedge for that just in case divorce - hey, it almost happened once), then 4 college tuition accounts for the kids.

after all that is taken care of comes the house - probably custom built on some nice land, preferably a large lot of land (and in cali that will be expensive - land is at a premium here now, almost everyone is starting ti build up). the place would be fenced to keep my son in, have 5 bedrooms plus and entertainment room for saxy and a workout room for me (not sure i'd ever use it, but we are dreaming here), living room, family room with wall to wall bookshelves and a couple of nice window seats, dining room, laundry room, and a large roomy kitchen. i want a large yard with a pool (i know - water abuse!) and a large enough space for a jungle gym for my son. the garage would be large with a nice loft type apartment above it. and, of course, we'd need furniture for all this. most of us currently sleep on mattresses piled on the floor and live out of broken down dressers. and hubby would want to create the entertainment system for the entertainment room. because of the condition of most of our furniture, i would want to start fresh and buy everything new.

then cars. we have no cars and i know saxy and i each would want something different. he wants the avalanche, the truck that changes to an suv. i just want something that goes. typical woman - just get me a decent car and i am happy. no sports car. the insurance would cost as much as the vehicle and that's just pointless. being poor teaches you things like that. forget status symbols - just get me where i need to go in relative safety and i'm happy.

clothes, books, toys. we are all desperate for clothes. and everyone but saxy has a load of books they want to buy (saxy has a list, it's just small and more likely to remain unread). and the kids, especially taz, need toys. he needs more occupational therapy oriented toys like a dizzy disk, a trampoline, and a hammock (seriously, you hang it more like a seat and spin him around in it). and i'd get each kid his or her own computer. i honestly hate sharing. seems the more people share, the more problems you have on the pc. and i'm always the one fixing the darn thing when something goes wrong. i'd also want to get my lightweight laptop i'm lusting after.

after all this, i honestly don't know what i'd so with the excess money. maybe do some traveling? probably give to some charities after checking them out. donate some to the schools (can we do that?). get the older girls into activities of their choice (dance studio for kitten and junior league soccer for jewel). it sure would be nice to be able to afford things when someone wanted/needed them rather than having to tell the girls we can't do it for lack of funds. we haven't bought the school's yearly portraits from lack of funds and lack of notification on their parts. if i have warning i can sometimes scrounge up some of the money, but i definitely need more than 2 days. maybe i'd go and get that second degree i dropped when time became a huge issue for my education. and i'd be able to pay for my m.f.a. if i ever got into a program.

there's definitely nice things about money in a money driven world. but i still won't play the lottery, even after all this dreaming. because that's all it is - dreams. i'd end up spending more on worthless tickets than i'd ever win. eventually one day i will have the things we need and a few things we want. it will just take longer.

and it will be more satisfying knowing i earned it with my own hard work. dreams are nice. goals are better. you can actually reach for goals. dreams tend to stay nothing but dreams until one day you wake up and wonder why you didn't do something productive to achieve them.

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word of the moment: aura

a subtle sensory stimulus (as an aroma); a distinctive atmosphere surrounding a given source; a luminous radiation ; a subjective sensation (as of lights) experienced before an attack of some disorders (as epilepsy or a migraine); an energy field that is held to emanate from a living being