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deep trouble
thursday, may 9, 2002

we've got a serious problem in this house: money. had i gotten into the mfa program, the f.a. would have tided us over for at least the summer. but now there's no f.a. there's nothing to keep us going until fall, when i can begin subbing. the last few months have been hard enough, with us constantly going deeper into the hole just to get food. i've closed down domains to save money. hubby is buying the cheapest food he can find with few luxuries, but this isn't necessarily the healthiest. he's going to look into applying at a local fast food place, but even at full time that won't add much. we're sinking and i have no idea how to fix it. a b.a. in english/creative writing is good for only 2 things: teaching secondary school (doesn't start until fall) and being a published author, and the latter won't necessarily support a person. i also looked into becoming an editor somewhere, but that seems to require 3 to 5 years of experience (ever hear of the old circle: you need experience to get the job, you need the job to get the experience - that's editing) and i don't have anything published that would encourage anyone to come to me as an independent "book doctor." what else is there? i am truly stumped as how we're going to get through this summer.

it's shit like this that makes one wonder if the whole education thing is even worth the work. add to this that i'm exhausted and really need a break (and certainly can't be running around in 105 degree heat and smog so bad you could cut it with a [steak] knife - with asthma and serious allergies i wouldn't present well in interviews or be able to work much), and things look bleak for this summer. and bleak certainly isn't strong enough a word for what we're looking at financially this summer. it just seems like school was such a long, hard road only to end up in a situation worse than when i started.

the good news (and perhaps the one saving grace of the mess since without the education i wouldn't even have this much to look forward to) is i am getting contacts for fall and have a chance of getting myself at least on sub duty. today i was given a contact and the advice to get people to request me or have friends get their friends to request me as a sub. and i have been told that where we are most desperate for teachers in secondary (middle and high) school. we have a gentleman in the complex (probably the only true gentleman in the neighborhood other than saxy, and even he can be questionable somedays [really, i love the i can see his flaws too!]) who has told me how to go about getting started and getting emergency credentialed.

so, maybe the hope is all we have to do is make it through to october (if i started in september i wouldn't be paid till october - at least that's my understanding) and then i'll be working, hopefully, semi-regularly and the trouble won't seem so deep . . . as long as i can keep the creditors from grabbing every dime.

i hate money.

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word of the moment: ceilinged

adjective form of ceiling: the overhead inside lining of a room; an overhanging shelter or a lofty canopy; the height above the ground from which objects on the ground can be seen and identified; an upper prescribed limit