wednesday, july 18, 2001
inspiration

here i am with a summer that is not quite so busy but with things definitely happening and still getting whysper up maybe once or twice a week. no clue what's up with that. i am doing lots for the site and am participating in other things, but nothing that can't be put off until after i write a whysper. even ink and vom are suffering from lack of attention to a degree. just summer time malaise i guess. i do manage to write in m@m most days at least.

and i have managed to get some writing done. in fact, i am working on a new novella at the encouragement of my muse. i have been having trouble with the alden novels and she said, "write on something else that has nothing to do with alden or the characters in alden." so i did. and it is getting really decent reviews at del rey. no 4's yet, but not the 2's that the keepers prologue seems to engender. and, in fact, i received a wonderful made-my-day kind of compliment from it: "All in all, what I read pleased me and inspired me to rethink some of my own writing techniques, and though you may not realize it, you have provoked a serious writer to reevaluate the way he looks at situational conditioning as well as plot credibility and theme conception."

me? inspire someone? WOW! i did write the author of the above comment and thanked him for it. and i have received very positive comments on detail, my writing voice and professionalism of my writing.

and somewhere inside i am beginning to believe, just a little, that maybe i can do this. maybe i can get my work published. maybe my friends aren't so nuts after all and i do have talent.

that sounds like my friends never had any influence on me and my choice to take my writing more seriously, but nothing could be further from the truth. moon always said that my design skills rocked, but she was also the one who said that my writing rocked more. because of the encouragement of a few friends, vom came into being. and then there's d'freedom who has insisted in the past that i write better than many published authors she knows (ok, i still have trouble believing that one), and saka who threatens to kill me every time i don't finish a story. without these women telling me these things i may never have taken the plunge to even try. they gave me my start and if i ever do get published (which is really contingent on me FINISHING something first! lol), they are the ones that will have made it possible. i have already told my muse that if keepers ever gets published, then all the keepers players will be receiving an air plane ticket to celebrate, assuming i get enough of an advance to do that. they deserve to receive their signed copies in person because of the encouragement they have given me.

but i admit that encouragement didn't really instill the belief that i have a chance in hell of actually being published. me? in print? with my silly stories? really, my writing may be entertaining for friends, but, even though i know they all have been honest with me, entertaining your friends and getting past a publisher are two very different things. and perhaps that's one of the reasons for vom. it allows me to "publish" my work in a small way without having to pay the costs for self-publishing or go through the years of rejection through a regular publisher. i am honored that my friends think i am worth reading to the point that they will pay to read on vom. their belief does inspire some tiny bit of confidence in my writing.

and now i have others showing some of that confidence too. perhaps not in that i will be published, but that my writing is worthy, and that is what gives me a small hope of actually making it through the 6 levels of acceptance that a manuscript needs to make it in the world of publishing.

the experimental fiction instructor who thinks my work is worth a shot at the mfa.

the gentleman in the del rey workshop who said he makes it a point to get his hands on everything i submit there.

the reviewers who come back and review new pieces or the edits of old submissions.

a few that have compared me to other published authors.

friends and strangers alike wanting to read more, to know more, who find my work engaging enough to want me to complete the works they started reading.

and then the above comment.

maybe i can dare to believe. maybe i can try. maybe...just maybe...my work is worth being published. on the one hand, only time will tell. on the other, a little bit of believing can go a long way.

it's just a seed. a tiny star somewhere deep in my hopes and dreams, a tiny star with a glow that shines through even in the darkest of moments.