tuesday, july 10, 2001
all messed up

once again my sleep schedule, among other things, has gone completely haywire and is now all mess up. only this time i am not on a reverse schedule, i am on a haphazard schedule that makes no sense to anyone, not even me. annoying is not the word.

i know sleep as much as i did for the two days i was in agonizing head pain has something to do with it, but that seems to be gone now and my schedule is wackier than ever. for one, i am sleeping a lot. no, i am not depressed, rather content actually. i like having my free time to do what i want to do rather than assignments and other nasty required work. but i am still sleeping 10 or more hours a day. not all at one time mind you, that would be far to easy. no, i sleep in patches of 2-4 hours each throughout the day and night. yesterday for example: i was up around 3 or 4 a.m., stayed awake until about 1 p.m., slept until about 5 or 5:30 p.m., was up until about 10:30 (i don't remember the end of nash bridges, i remember it was on when i went to sleep, but i do not remember the end), slept until about 2 a.m., and have been up ever since (but thinking of sleep). it would have been far easier to be up at 7 a.m. (yuck!) and just gone to bed around midnight. and i can't even say that this schedule is my "regular" on because i seem to be changing from day to day.

i do try to stay awake, but you know how it is. your body just decides now is the time to sleep and anything you are doing will have to be redone anyway if you fight it. but that's the other problem with this crazy schedule: i just can't seem to get much done when i need it done. heck, most of what i schedule to work on through a day doesn't get done because i am ready to pass out half the time. actually, that's not quite true. i do over schedule, but i would say i get a lot less done than i could. and if i have a deadline, it is invariably messed up by my sleep schedule.

i am not depressed. i am not overly busy in the sense of running around a lot, so i am not wearing myself out and coming home and needing a nap. i have been reading more, and doing the net a bit less, but i love to read. the headaches started this weird round robin of cat naps, but now they are gone. we're financially unstable, but we're always financially unstable so nothing new there. the only thing i can think of at this point for me is that my body just decided that a week's worth of laziness isn't enough at the end of the quarter, and, since i obviously wasn't going to slow down to doing next to nothing on my own, it thought it would force the issue. it's a bit late as i have been out of classes for a month, but nothing else seems to make any sense at the moment. like catnap roulette needs to make sense. but it would be absolutely appalling if i now need to be in school to keep on a reasonable sleeping schedule (and for me sleeping from 3 a.m. to 9 a.m. is as reasonable as sleeping from 11p.m. to 6 a.m. is to others). maybe my body is just wacked out of adjustment because i went back to school and now i am back out of school. lord knows, cuz i certainly don't.

it does make for some difficulties for me though. i slept through the family night movie. i mean i was just totally gone. of course, this is where saxy and i differ significantly. having had at least one child for 14 years, and not having stopped at just one, i can sleep through lights and noise. earthquakes almost never fail to wake me up however. saxy is the exact opposite. the building could be shaking down around his ears and he'd sleep right through it, but have light on in the room or the kids playing and he's awake. i know it is annoying for him to come downstairs and find me either wide awake on the computer or passed out on the one reclining chair or the open futon bed with the book i was reading somewhere nearby. he doesn't make an issue of it because he knows it is even more annoying to me to be in bed for 3 or 4 hours and not tired enough to go to sleep. why i don't get up and go upstairs to bed when i am too tired to read anymore, i don't know. my only defense is that i hit that comfortable zone that gets all messed up if you so much as move from a chair to a couch, and rather than risking waking up too much to sleep, i just stay put.

so maybe a low table lamp in our room would help with the sleeping thing. i could crawl into bed at a reasonable hour and read until i am ready to go to sleep.

anyone got one they could donate?