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tuesday, june 26, 2001

ever since i got out of uni for summer i have been kind of floating, unmotivated, and pretty much doing nothing, not because i have nothing to do but because i just don't do it. i know i need to get to work here, next year will be hell and i will not have the time to do much in terms of site updates and other things. so i need to have as much done as possible by the time classes start sept 20th. but sleeping until noon and then doing next to nothing or doing things in a haphazard and scattered manner is not the way to get things done. and true to that, not much is getting done!

when i was in classes there wasn't time to be lazy like this. i had to get things done, i had to do lists, i had project details, i had a calendar, and all this was designed to keep me on track and help me focus on getting done what i needed to get done. for about the last 2 weeks i have had none of this and it is showing. not only am i not getting things done, i haven't been taking my meds (something i did worry about prior to finals) and the obvious negatives are beginning to hit with a vengeance (i really hate california is just horrid!).

so yesterday, even though we were shopping for a card table and cds for the new cd rw that is coming, i also began looking for a new day planner. now i have had day planners in the past and they usually end up being trashed because they never quite fit what i need. but i definitely need something to help keep me on track here, as well as to hold ideas, phone numbers and all the like. So, day planner here i come. i did find the day planner i think will work but am going to have to hunt for refills that i like (i just don't like the look of the pro ones, silly i know, but there you go). in the mean time though i do have enough from what they give with the book to get me started. So last night i transferred my to do list and my novel work ideas into my new planner. and today i have begun to follow my planning.

ok, so i have only done it for one day, and did still sleep until noon, but i already feel a bit less lost and a bit more focused than i did without a planner. (of course, that could be the meds which i finally took today). i am not so worried about how late i sleep or when i go to bed. if i get up at 9 or 10 a.m. i am likely to go to bed about 2:30 or 3 a.m. when i go to bed at 4 a.m. i get up at 11:30 or noon. maybe a little more sleep in the second case, but still enough wakeful hours to be considered a full day. when i get things done, day or night or the time of night, is not so much an issue as just getting things done.

and so far they are.

so i must be one of those people who really needs a schedule, as much as i hate schedules. but we're not talking a traditional schedule here where 9a.m. to 10:30 a.m. is all blocked out to be doing something very specific. it's more like i schedule a day to do things, and create a list for each specific day, then just do what i want off that list. things get done. check marks are a good thing! i feel like things are getting done, i see that things are getting done and i no longer feel like i am aimlessly drifting through my vacation. i have a plan that doesn't tie me down but gets things done..this is a good thing!

the other things is that this allows me to break up my larger projects and not feel so overwhelmed. still has quite a bit down, is still waiting for integration into the network (as is, needs reorganization and content, and vom is still down. i have 5 installations of greymatter to do (not all mine) and a redesign for jewel, plus all my writing projects i am deeply involved in. by breaking things up, these larger projects are no longer so overwhelming but they do get done.

now all i can do is hope i stick with it. obviously i need something like this to help me stay on track and organize my various activities, but i also tend to not do the things i need to do to keep my life under control.

my life: soap opera, chaotic mess, and completely unpredictable. i think i may have gotten far too used to it this way.

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