the gifts are wrapped. all the food is bought. the web pages
are all made and ready to be revealed. today and tonight the kids are spending
time with dad and his family. tomorrow we get them along with saxy's parents.
dad managed to spoil them a bit this year, which he doesn't usually get to do.
we didn't get them much, but then last year was our year to spoil them, so it
all balances out in the end. later the hens will be taken out to defrost and tomorrow
the house will be a bustling with gifts being opened, cooking, and all the other
christmas trimmings. but the best thing this christmas is that we will all be
together. We almost weren't this year.
earlier this year my marriage was almost over. i'd had enough of the screaming
and yelling, the fighting, and trying to protect my kids. i know no marriage is
perfect, that no marriage is without struggle, but this was just too much and
i was done. christmas would have been that much sadder for the kids - no gifts,
no grandma and grandpa from saxy's family. saxy would have spent his holidays
alone, and, in all honesty, may not have survived it so great was his pain at
and while he was out of the house, froggy disappeared for half a day. a very scary
half a day.
i just can't imagine the holidays without them.
despite our problems, saxy and i are very much a part of each other. while being
with him then was painful, being without him was almost doubly so. it's like he
is a part of me. how do you send the holidays with a part of yourself missing?
and my baby girl. if she had actually been taken, the grief would be so overwhelming
i do not think we could have had a christmas this year.
so the gifts may be wrapped. we may have the trimmings for a traditional dinner
for our family. but best of all, my kids are safe and sound. taz has an ear infection,
but he is HERE, and every day shows how much better things are for him with the
support he gets. kitten has a head cold and some problems with grades, but she
is with her family. she hasn't run away, she isn't out on the street. she is with
us. jewel, my lovely little worry wart, will find food on the table and loving
arms to hold her. froggy is here with us as well with all her joyful exuberance.
and saxy is here. he's not alone, and i don't need to figure out how to celebrate
with a piece of myself missing. better yet, we are doing better as a couple and
we're together as a family.
and that is the best christmas present of all.
merry christmas every one. may all your holidays, no matter which ones you celebrate
this season, bring you joy and love.