i have tried to start today's entry 5 times. in 15 minutes. i start to think about what to write and..uh oh...another icq message. so i answer and look back at the page and my previous thoughts are gone. my mind is blank and i start to think about it again...and uh oh..another message. i know, part of the answer probably is to turn off icq. but i can't help thinking that maybe this goes a bit deeper for me. maybe my mind is just empty.

i have noticed in the past that when i am truly inspired to write something, other than poetry which requires more than just writing what you think, i can write it even if periodically interrupted. if i forget a thought, i scan what i have and it all comes right back and i continue on. the only time this is a problem is if i walk away from it for an extended length of time. then it's not an issue of whether or not i remember what to write, but an issue of keeping me from dumping the whole mess into the trash.

but when i can't write...even if i have a topic to write on, yet nothing comes to mind to even begin, i know that there's just nothing there. my mind is empty. it's not even a writer's block to me. with writer's block there's something there, just getting started is the problem. at least, that seems to be how it works for me. but this is totally different. i am at the screen and it is time to write...and my mind is completely blank. mind empty. not an idea, not a starting sentence, not a topic, not a whisper of anything to hang on to long enough to get started.

i haven't discovered a cure for this yet. generally i just walk away because i probably didn't want to write all that much anyway. but i figure i better come with a way to fight it. after all, if you're assigned writing you can't just walk away. this is a daily journal, i should write SOMETHING daily. so walking away is not the best option. in some cases this may not even be an option. a reporter can't just walk away and say, "sorry, my mind's empty, no column today". that's a real quick way to being fired. mind you..THIS is not a paid job that i can get fired from if i don't write. so a mind empty is a not so serious thing. still i have my readers to consider..as few as they are. for them, to miss a day because my mind is empty, could be a great disappointment indeed (even if i have only been doing this for two days, SOMEONE may have gotten attached). this makes it something of a responsibility, even if i journal mostly for myself. and most of my friends will tell you, i tend to be very serious about my obligations and make every attempt to fulfill them.

still, here i sit in front of the computer screen with my mind empty. hopefully in the future i will find a cure for the mind empty problem. in the meantime, i hope my dear readers will forgive me if there's no entry today. my mind is empty.